Twelve Months of May, or, The Piglet and the Pup
by teddypusscat
Summary: My name is May, like the month, although I was born in November - weird, I know. Professor McGonagall calls me a troublemaker, though it has lost its meaning after the thousandth time, and Sirius calls me Piglet - though it's really not that cute. Then the kind of stuff happens that you should expect when you jam hundreds of hormonal teenagers into an ancient castle together. Yay.
1. September 1977

My name is May, like the month, although I was born in November - weird, I know. Anyway, I'm a 7th year Gryffindor student at Hogwarts and the year is 1977, and although most witches take little notice of changing muggle fashion trends, I'm digging the funky colours. So I've started wearing a wide ribbon band around my hair that ties off at the nape of my neck. It's blue, like my eyes and I love it.

Sorry – got carried away. Do you want to hear about me? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway, because I don't think you can properly picture my story without picturing me. So, I have wavy hair that's a boring shade of light brown and my ears stick out a tad too much but thankfully my hair covers them. I think I'm fairly ordinary in my looks, in a _'put a pair of glasses on me and call me a librarian'_ kind of way. So people see me and they form opinions, _what a nice girl_ , they think – but they'd be dead wrong.

You should know, I'm familiar with some hellish hexes and I'm not hesitant about throwing a few about. I play Beater on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, a position that Captain James _bloody_ Potter was doubtful to put me in to - because I'm a girl, I bet. When I showed up for Beater try-outs in our 6th year I was only female in a horde of testosterone and I saw that lopsided smirk on James' arrogant little face when he noticed me. So yeah, I got angry, but instead of losing my cool, I just got fierce, you know? Without bragging (okay maybe just a little bragging), I sent James off the pitch with broken glasses and an even more broken nose. Not my fault he was laughing when he should have been paying attention to the Bludger.

 **September 1977**

So, I'm standing on Platform 9 and 3/4s and I really should not have worn high platform shoes because I'm kind of teetering on my feet in the summer heat. It was also a mistake to wear these tiny shorts too, because now they're riding up my bum and I'm trying to discretely tug them down.

At my feet I have my runty tabby cat Nigel howling in his box, an overstuffed suitcase and an ancient 1952 Swiftstick Broomstick. I'm scanning the crowd for my good friend Charlotte, though I know I'm wasting my time because Charlotte is always late. I'll probably see her out the train window, sprinting after the Hogwarts Express as we pull away from the station at 11 o'clock sharp. Maybe I'd be nice and toss her my broomstick. Maybe I'd just laugh at her.

I boarded the Hogwarts Express somewhat ungracefully (I may have kicked a first year in the face, whoops, sorry kid) and stomped my platforms down the tiny hall that ran along the length of the train. It was all fine until Sirius Black backed out of his compartment without looking right into me. And we fell, of course, because I was barely standing up straight in my shoes as it were, so now I'm sitting on the floor and I have Sirius sitting in my lap.

'Geddoff!' I muttered darkly.

He sprang up with the kind of grace that ballerinas dream of and smirked down at me.

'Proudfoot.' He addressed me by my surname. 'Watch where you're going next time.'

'Black, you watch where yo-' but my words were cut short when he pulled me to my feet and placed a steadying hand on my waist. 'Oi, hands off the goods.' I slapped his hand away.

He barked a laugh. 'What's so good about them?' He said as he ambled off. Yeah, he's a dick.

Do you want to hear about Sirius Black? I see you nodding away. Okay, he's the kind of guy you love to hate and hate to love. Some of the female students form some pretty full-on infatuations over him, but he just shows them nothing but disdain. Thinks everyone outside of his little _boyband_ is unworthy of his time. Heh, _boyband_ , I'm going to use that one next time I see him. He's a stuck-up, standoffish, arrogant little toe-rag who thinks he's cooler than thou. Thous? Thee? I mean everyone. Whatever. Hey, here's Rollo.

Rollo is also in 7th year but in Hufflepuff. His real name is Roland, but you can call him Rollo, everyone does. He dated Charlotte in 5th and 6th years, then they split at the end of last year (rather amicably, really) after they both realised they were better off as friends. I expected awkwardness and embarrassment between them, but they transitioned back into friendship seamlessly. It was kind of weird, to be honest with you. Not that I'm complaining, having my two best friends avoid each other would be far worse.

I banged my head against the door of the compartment to get his attention. 'Let me in will ya?' Nigel howled in agreement.

'Hey! Good summer?' He asked as I brutishly kicked my suitcase and broomstick into the compartment and quickly freed Nigel.

'Hot summer.' I replied and threw open the windows so I could kick off my shoes without stinking out the room.

'You complain when it's too cold, you complain when it's too hot, I think you just like complaining.'

'What? You're only just finding this out about me now?'

Rollo chuckled as I melted against my seat and tugged at my sweaty muggle clothes, hoping to find comfort.

'Phew,' I sighed. 'And you? Did you see Charlotte at all over the holidays?'

'Nah.' He grimaced, looked like he was going to say more, then let it go.

'So, Head Boy, Head Girl, who are they?'

'I heard from Remus that James is Head Boy this year.'

'Pshhh. You're having a laugh.' I replied. 'If that's true, Dumbledore is nuttier than I thought.'

Rollo shrugged. 'I dunno, Quidditch Captain, natural born leader, the birds like him too.'

'So Dumbledore chooses Head Boys based on looks, then?'

'Heh, probably.'

'So, who's Head Girl? Don't tell me! Is it you? It's you, isn't it?'

Roland let out a deep laugh. 'Nope. Still just a lowly Prefect.'

'Might be Alice? Or Lily?' Gryffindors were often given Prefect or Head Boy/Girl status, I guess we're just talented leaders or some shit like that. Yeah, it's not fair, but I don't care.

We had just begun to feel the vibrations under our feet when Charlotte burst in looking flustered. 'Lily's Head Girl. Ugggh. Last thing we need is another bossy Head Girl.'

'Hey, be nice.' Roland muttered. 'We can't all be rule breakers like you two.'

Charlotte and I grinned at each other. 'We're not "rule breakers"' Charlotte air quoted, 'we just don't like being told what to do.'

Roland shrugged. 'Same thing.' He looked at me for a moment, thoughtful. 'Have you talked to your mum and dad yet? About your future?'

'Yep.' I promptly replied. 'I told them I'm going to retire at the ripe old age of 18.' Charlotte and Roland laughed. 'Oh, you mean the other thing. That I can't go into the family business of selling antiques and artefacts because I absolutely suck at Ancient Runes and hate dusty old crap? That thing? Nah, I've got until graduation to break it to them and I'm going to procrastinate as long as possible.'

'What are you gonna do instead?' Charlotte was using her wand to blast cool air into her face.

I twitched my shoulders in a loose shrug. 'Is retiring early really off the table?' I reached over and scratched Nigel. 'I'm gonna go get changed.'

So, I seem to be the only person in the entire 7th year who has no idea what to do after Hogwarts. Mum and dad own this little shop called Relics & Curios in Diagon Ally that is basically a glorified Pawn Shop and they do a decent trade in family heirlooms that people bring in after batty Aunt Polly has finally kicked the bucket.

For my whole life, mum and dad have been harping on about how I'll take over the shop for them. They've pushed me to take Ancient Runes as a subject so I can better understand the value of the silly trinkets we sell. But I really don't want to spend my life working in this dusty, smelling-like-old-people shop but I've put off telling them that because I still haven't a clue what I actually want to do instead. It's all a right mare, if you ask me.

I closed the compartment door behind me and headed back down corridor. It's even hotter than earlier and we're sizzling like sausages in a pan within this hunk of metal - at least in my school skirt I'll get a nice bit of breeze where it counts.

'…I reckon I'll get this year's very first detention after that.'

I froze midstride opposite a closed compartment. I know that haughty voice. I'm not one to listen in, but…

'What? You're saying you want to be given a detention?' Came Remus' reply.

'Just the first one. On the first night. Remind everyone what they've missed, you know?' Sirius laughed loudly.

'Ha, ha, ha.' I mocked his laugh from the safety of the hallway.

They fell silent. Oops, did they hear me? I turned and hightailed it into the girls' bathroom just as they threw open the compartment door. Did they see me? Don't think so, I think I was safe. I decided to duck past their compartment window on the way back, just in case.

'So, new plan guys.' I said to Charlotte and Roland, as I rubbed my hands together somewhat greedily. 'Sirius wants the first detention of the year and he's got something planned for tonight at the Sorting. We're going to pull that little rug out from under him.'

'Okay, so we'll report him to a teacher.' Roland perked up.

'No, Rollo.' I shook my head and spoke slowly. 'Then he'll get that detention even easier. I want the first detention. Gee, I thought you were supposed to be clever.'

'I know.' Charlotte held a finger up. 'Keep it simple. Keep it classic. A Dungbomb. I happen to have a few right here.'

'Ugh, I thought something smelled in here.' Roland wrinkled his nose.

'Nah, that's just my feet. Okay. Dungbomb. Pass it over, I know just what I'm going to do.'

* * *

The Great Hall. Hmm, bit of a disappointing name, really. How about the Tremendous, Humongous, Stupendous Hall? Too long? I sat down next to Charlotte at the front end of the hall, close to where the Professors sat. Who was new? Who would be our new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor this year? There was a rather young witch sitting at the teachers' table and I could see some fine legs from where I was sitting. The boys would definitely like her.

Charlotte was already smirking. 'Stop.' I hissed and elbowed her, accidentally hitting her in the tit. 'Oops, sorry, but you'll give the game away too early.'

The huddle of first year students rolled in ready for the Sorting Ceremony. None wanted to be at the front of the group so they were making pretty slow progress to the front of the hall.

The Sorting Hat began its silly song, but I wasn't really listening. With a quick glance around me to check nobody was watching, I ducked down and lobbed a Dungbomb across the floor and right into the middle of the awaiting first years.

A second passed, then another couple, before they began to stir. They seemed to be blaming the stench on each other. Some were pinching their noses and groaning, others fanning the air away from their faces. The kid I'd accidentally kicked in the face earlier looked ready to spew. Ooh, sorry again, kiddo, nothing personal.

By the time the Sorting Hat had finished singing, I had nearly bit into my hand trying not to laugh and the more I tried not to laugh, the harder it became. Eventually, a fuming McGonagall rose to her feet and demanded, 'who did this?! Who would dare do this during the Sorting?!'

The hall fell silent and I leapt to my feet before I could chicken out. 'Sorry Professor!' I called. Every single student turned in comedic unison to look at me. I could see Rollo _rolling_ his eyes from the Hufflepuff table. Typical.

'Miss Proudfoot. Go to my office this second. I'll deal with you later.' McGonagall gave me her best _I'm disappointed in you because you're in my house_ look, but I'd seen it a thousand times before. I sauntered past Sirius at the other end of the table. 'I'm first.' I said smugly. He looked sour grapes. Good, serves him right for sitting on me.

Outside in the Entrance Hall I made a quick detour over to the kitchen. When I was in my first year, an older student told me how to get into the kitchen (by tickling the pear on the still life painting, duh!) and it has been the best gift anybody has ever given to me. Seriously, if I knew that student's name, I'd write to him and promise him my firstborn son, because otherwise I'd be going hungry tonight.

After grabbing a chicken leg (ha! Bet the other students are still waiting to eat) I meandered down to McGonagall's office and sat on the bench in the hallway, awaiting the bollocking I knew I was in for.

I heard footsteps approach and I put on my best _I'm so sorry, it was just a bit of harmless fun_ face but it was Sirius that rounded the corner.

'What you do?' I blurted out.

Sirius sat on the same bench, putting as much space as possible between himself and me. 'Why would I tell you?'

'Fine. Whatever. I bet you're fun at parties.'

'I am, actually.'

I rolled my eyes on the inside and glanced over. 'Wipe that smirk off your face.'

'This one?' He pointed to the trademark grin that adorned his face. 'Can't help it, it's my default expression. I even sleep with a smirk.'

I bet. I rolled my eyes on the outside this time and chose not to reply. I slouched in my seat and gnawed at my chicken leg.

'So sloppy.' He said.

'Don't care.' I responded.

'So, you overheard me, right? On the train?'

But I was saved from responding by the sound of McGonagall's quick and angry stride. I sat up, tossed the chicken bone into a nearby pot plant and quickly fixed my face into an expression of attrition.

But then Sirius looked over at me and grinned, and I couldn't help it, I grinned back.

'Never, have I ever, seen such a disrespectful display of childish behaviour from not one, but two Gryffindors on the same night! What did I ever do to deserve the both of you in my house? Dungbombs and fireworks - did you two plan it together?' She opened the door to her office and ushered us in.

'No, Professor!' We both chimed, insulted that she thought us in cahoots.

'Right, so a coincidence then. I expected better from two 7th year students.' McGonagall sighed and looked down at us through her spectacles. We both stayed silent. 'Detention this Saturday. 10am.'

'Yes, Professor.' We chimed in unison again. That was getting annoying.

The feast had ended, so I merged into the crowd of students heading up the marble staircase. I heard a voice in my ear.

'First equal, Proudfoot.'

* * *

Luckily for me – and everyone else, I guess – September 1st fell on a Thursday this year. That means, one singular day of school and then it's the weekend already.

At breakfast I hopped into a seat opposite James, who's bed hair looked just like his normal hair.

'Quidditch practise. When is it?' I piled my plate up with toast and bacon. Damn, I was hungry last night.

'Well, it was going to this Saturday morning, but since you'd rather spend it doing detention, I'm changing it to Sunday.'

I laughed and choked a little on my toast. 'Sowwy.' I muffled through a mouthful of food.

Sirius swung into the seat next to James. 'Swallow your food before you speak, we're not savages at this school.'

'I swallow!' I blurted out and then bit my lip when a few nearby boys turned around to gape at me. Sirius and James exchanged a smirk. Get your mind out the gutter, boys.

'Miss Proudfoot.' I jumped when I heard McGonagall's stern tone. I turned in my seat and hoped the guilt didn't show on my face. 'Timetable for today, same subjects as last year, I presume?'

'Yep.' I squeaked.

'Right, here you are. You're in double Defence this morning.'

'Thanks.' I muttered.

'She doesn't look much older than us, does she? Late-twenties, maybe?' James pointed a fork at our new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor. 'Do you remember seeing her at Hogwarts, Padfoot? An older student?'

'Nah.' Sirius showed the same interest in her that he gave all females.

* * *

We were joined for Defence by the Ravenclaws. Shame really, to be paired up with the school's goodie-two-shoes for this particular subject. It's the only class where I'd _prefer_ to be stuck with the Slytherins. At least then I'd actually learn something about defending myself against curses.

The class numbers were small, about 12 students in total. Not many make the E grade necessary to push through to N.E.W.T level. Charlotte thought Defence to be a waste of time, so from Gryffindor we have Alice, Lily and I, plus James, Sirius and Remus. I guess Peter didn't make the cut. Did he make the cut to attend any classes?

Anyway, we were waiting in the hallway on the 3rd floor for our new Professor, who's name I never discovered due to last night's high jinks. Am I boring you? Probably. So I'm just going to skim over the next 10 minutes.

Right, now we're in class, Miss Professor has just introduced herself as Professor Twelvetrees in an American accent and I'm thinking _whoa, she must have been keen for the position if she's come to Europe at this time,_ I mean shit's really going down over here due to You-know-who.

So, I've already decided I dig this determined woman, when she tells us that she is an Auror for MACUSA (a much better abbreviation for a ministry than our M.O.M) and it's then I decide that I love her. Well, that is until she tells us we'll be beginning the year with the extremely difficult non-verbal Patronus Charm and she calls me to the front of the class to demonstrate. Now I hate her.

'Yes, Professor Twelveknees.' I joked to classroom titter.

'Twelvetrees.' She corrects. 'Now, I would have gotten a Dementor in for you today since you're 7th years, but Professor Dumbledore said no, student safety first, yada, yada, yada. So you'll have to make do without one.'

We did a little on Patronus Charms last year and I can produce a non-corporeal spirit, but I've never mastered the charm. I'm hoping that today is the day I do it and I decide to picture the 1st years from last night on the verge of puking. I firmly think _Expecto Patronum_.

A wisp flew out my wand and vanished.

'My Patronus is a ghost.' I bluffed. The class laughed. Hey, I'd like to see you guys do better.

'Just as expected. Sit down.' Professor Twelvefleas pulls Sirius to the front. She must be targeting the two of us for our Sorting Ceremony disruptions.

I was so prepared to laugh at him when he also failed, that when he actually produced a fully-fledged canine Patronus I almost fell out of my chair in shock.

'Wonderful. Okay, that's exactly what we're aiming for today. Pair up and practise together.'

Okay, Alice and Lily have paired up. Damn, I don't really like anybody else.

'Want some tips?' I turned to see Sirius lounging in his chair and twirling his wand in his hand.

'Nope. I really don't.'

'Suit yourself.' He shrugged at me and continued to flick his wand around his fingers. I glanced back around the classroom, but everyone else had paired up. Sirius sat watching me and waiting for what he inevitably knew was coming.

'Fine, Pooch. Let's get this over with.'

He grinned but otherwise let the dig go.

Okay, so you can't tell a single soul I said this, and certainly not Sirius Black himself, but he was actually helpful. He explained the intricacies of the charm fairly simply and I was reluctantly impressed. In the last ten minutes of the lesson, the wisp of smoke I'd previously conjured had taken on a shape.

'What is it?' I asked it circled us.

But Sirius was laughing. 'It's a pig!'

'No, it's not!' I asserted. But it was. My Patronus was a pig. The animal that best represented my traits and personality, was a _bloody pig!_

'Told you that you're a slob.' Sirius could barely get the words out around laughter.

'Hardy, ha, ha.'

'Very good, Miss Proudfoot.' Professor Twelvebees said. 'I wasn't sure if you had it in you.'

'Yes, Miss Pigfoot, well done.' Sirius congratulated me too.

'Couldn't have done it without you, Bow-wow.'

* * *

I had Charms after lunch and we'd finally begun to learn Healing Charms this year, which meant that we spent the lesson breaking our own bones and then repairing them. Madam Pomfrey checked us all over at the end of the lesson, and with a hearty poke and prod, deemed us all fit and healthy. I think I may have been better at breaking bones than actually healing them. So I guess training to become a healer is out of the question.

Final period of the day was a study period and despite a _small_ six-inch essay on the _necessity of a happy memory to produce a Patronus_ , I was basically free for the weekend. Aside from tomorrow's detention that is.

I fell into the chair next to Charlotte in the Gryffindor common room. She had parchment, quills and textbooks strewn over an entire table.

'Why did I choose to study bloody Arithmancy, huh? Why do I need to learn glorified mathematics?' She lowered her forehead to the table.

'Because you're a sucker for punishment?'

'Must be.' Charlotte muttered into the wood. 'Rollo wants to meet us down by the lake at four.'

'Us? Or just you.'

'Nope, definitely us both.'

'Isn't it awkward? I mean, you guys split up after two years of dating and now you're hanging out like it never happened.'

Charlotte looked up and hesitated. 'Well, I don't know about Rollo, but it was easy for me because I kind of fancied someone else.'

'Who?!' Oops, that was a bit loud. Charlotte looked at me through raised brows.

'I'm not telling. I know what you're like. You'll use it as ammunition.'

'Ammu-what?' I asked. Charlotte was muggleborn and sometimes it was like she spoke a whole other language.

'Nevermind.' She shook her head at me.

'Come on. I'll tell you who I like.'

'Who do you like?' She asked, disbelieving that I would ever form a crush.

'Myself.'

Charlotte snorted. 'Doesn't count.'

'Well, all the blokes at Hogwarts are pretty immature.'

'You got that right.'

I sighed and nudged her arm, causing her to splatter her homework with ink droplets. 'You can't tell me you fancy someone and not say who.'

'Alright, fine.' She nodded over to where James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were lounging over the various couches and armchairs that circled the fireplace. 'One of them. I'm not saying which.'

'Gee, you are a sucker for punishment.'

Charlotte laughed. 'I would let that man punish me.'

'Charlotte the Harlot. They'll write ballads about you for years to come.'

We dissolved into giggles. I guess we were just as immature as the boys.

* * *

That afternoon we hung out with Rollo down at the lake. It was nice to be in the late summer sun. Rollo brought along a bag of Bertie Bott's Beans, Charlotte brought along her vivacious personality, I brought along a loaf of bread and attempted to feed the Giant Squid. So we all contributed something to the group, really.

'What's the new Defence Professor like? I've got her first thing on Monday.' Roland asked.

'Eh.' I shrugged and stretched. 'She's got great legs.'

'Well, I guess that's all I need to know, then.' Came his sarcastic reply.

'I produced a fully-fledged Patronus on my first lesson.'

'Wow! Really? That's incredible. What is it?'

I mumbled into my shoulder.

'Pardon?' Charlotte asked.

I sighed. 'It's a pig.'

My friends turned to each other and simultaneously burst into laughter.

'Yeah, yeah, hilarious.'

'It kind of is. So, she's good then?'

'Well, maybe. I actually learned how to do it from Sirius Black.' I muttered. Charlotte and Roland looked taken aback, so I changed the subject. 'Right.' I clapped my hands. 'It's dinner time and I'm a pig, so let's go.'

* * *

At nine thirty on Saturday morning, I dragged my sorry arse out of bed. Would McGonagall let me do detention in my pyjamas? Nah. Better not risk it.

The Great Hall was mostly empty, a few perky morning birds around, but most students were still asleep. Like I could have been. I poured myself a coffee and added a few generous spoons of sugar to it.

Sirius swung himself into the seat beside me. 'Would you like some more coffee to go with your cup of sugar?'

'No thanks, but I've saved some sugar for you since you could do with sweetening up.' I placed the jar of sugar right on top of his plate of his scrambled eggs.

'Ugh. Can't stand the stuff.' He lifted the jar out his eggs, his mouth twisted with distaste.

'Who doesn't like sugar?'

'Me.'

'Just you then.'

'That's right, Piggy.'

'Bad dog.' I downed my caffeine syrup and left the table. I didn't want to remain in his company any more than I had to.

* * *

Detention with McGonagall is never fun. She sat Sirius and I at desks on either side of the classroom, confiscated out wands and gave us Advanced Transfiguration textbooks, parchment and a quill each.

'Since both of you are in my N.E.W.T. class, you're going to do something constructive with your detention.' McGonagall looked at each of us for a second before continuing. 'I want a 12-inch essay on Animagus Transformation that I will grade. If you achieve what I deem to be an E or O grade, you may leave. Any grade below that and you will redo the essay until I am satisfied that you understand the concept. Is that clear?'

'Yes, Professor.' I grumbled. Sirius seemed happy.

Turned out Sirius was happy because he apparently knew the subject. I'd written precisely 5-inches when he handed his essay to Professor McGonagall. Even she seemed surprised. She graded it in silence, and with raised eye-brows and disbelief evident in her voice, she said 'Excellent. Black, you may go.'

And Sirius, smug as fuck, reclaimed his wand and left.

That wasn't fun. When McGonagall finally graded my essay she told me I'd scraped an E. Barely. Well, whatever, I'll take it.

* * *

When Sunday morning rolled around I was happily out of bed early for Quidditch practice. The other Beater on the team was a 6th Year named Ethan Ward and he was exactly what you'd picture a Beater to look like. Burly. Can really whack the Bludger from one side of the pitch to the other, but has shoddy aim. My range is much smaller, but my aim is spot on – a direct hit every time. So James suggested we work in tandem. Ethan hits the Bludger to me, I whack them at the opposing players. We play on each other's strengths. Even I had to admit it was a good idea.

We usually get a couple of people come watch us practise. James doesn't mind too much (means he can show off a bit) but refuses to let anybody outside of Gryffindor watch lest they learn our _precious game secrets_. So midway through the session I looked over and noticed that Roland had turned up to watch, and James had gone over to tell him to leave. By the time I'd flown over to join them, the discussion had begun to get heated.

'Hey, mate.' Roland was saying. 'I'm not spying for the Hufflepuffs, I've just come to watch May fly.'

'James,' I put a hand on his shoulder. 'Rollo barely understands the rules of Quidditch. It's fine, he's my friend.'

'Okay, then. Not a word from you, Rollo, or-' James pretended to pull out his wand and jinx him. 'Got it?'

After practise, I changed back into muggle clothes and met Roland for the walk back to the castle. He greeted me with a wide smile, his dark hair a little wind swept.

'Hey, you.' I said. 'You basically risked death to come watch me fly. James takes Quidditch veerrryyy seriously.'

'I can tell.' He said simply.

'So, why are you here? No homework to be done?'

Roland snorted. 'Nothing important.' He fell silent. Then he looked at me.

'What? Food on my face?'

'No.' But he blushed, just a little.

I didn't like how this conversation was going. I didn't like how my friend looked at me. Has he always looked at me like that? I'll admit it, I freaked out a bit. Something uncomfortable had lodged itself in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know how to handle it.

'Oh hey, I've just remembered that I've left my broomstick polish back in the changing room. I'm just going to run back and get it.' I avoided his eyes.

'Okay, I'll just wait here.'

'No, lunch is almost over, you go ahead. I insist.' I didn't wait for an answer.

I didn't expect there to actually be anyone in the changing room when I returned. But James was putting the Quaffle away assisted by Sirius though I hadn't seen him during our practise. They jumped when I walked in, it seemed I'd interrupted a private conversation.

'Err. I thought I'd left my broomstick polish in here, but I guess not, silly me.' I laughed and turned to leave.

'Your broomstick is ancient. Were you even alive when that thing was made?' Sirius called out.

I snorted. 'Nah. Don't have anything better though.'

'I do.'

'Good for you, Pup.'

'No, I mean you could borrow mine. It's a Nimbus 1001.'

I exclaimed, 'you have a Nimbus?!'

And James warned, 'she'll thrash it, Padfoot.'

'I won't, I'll be good.' I chipped in. Sirius looked amused. I could see it in his clever grey eyes. 'Wait, why are you offering?'

'Because I feel sorry for you, Piglet, riding that piece of rubbish.'

'In that case, no thank-you.' I walked off, though others would have said that I stomped.

* * *

So that was my first week back at Hogwarts. I mean a bit more happened. I fell asleep during McGonagall's lecture on Human to Avian Transfiguration. She dropped her heavy textbook on the desk in front of me, then gave me another essay writing detention. Just a few more and I'll have mastered N.E.W.T. level Transfiguration.

There were no more weird silences or looks from Roland. Dunno if I read the situation wrong or what, but he seemed to be back to his usual _platonic_ self. So I'm going to forget about it.

Sirius Black got on my nerves a whole lot more, but you knew that already. He oinked at me in the hallway so I disarmed his wand and threw it down the staircase calling out, 'fetch!' I liked that day. That was a good day.

 **A/N: Thank-you to everyone who took the time to read my latest fic - love it? Hate it? Tell me what you think. You can also expect a new chapter to be posted every weekend for the foreseeable future - Thanks!**


	2. October 1977

**October 1977**

Charlotte and Alice were in the chairs by the fireplace when I flopped onto the couch face down and groaned into the fabric.

'Don't ask.' Charlotte said to Alice. 'It'll be something trivial.'

'Ask me, Alice. Ask me what's wrong or I'll continue to lie here and groan.'

Charlotte shook her head furiously as Alice asked, 'what's the problem?'

'I have to be tutored for Ancient Runes or Professor Babbling is going to dismiss me from the class. She's going to find a student willing to tutor me weekly. Ugggh. That's just embarrassing.'

'Do you even like Ancient Runes?' Alice asked.

'Hate it.'

'So why-?'

'Parents made me. Need it to run their _antiques_ _shop_ in Diagon Alley when I graduate.'

'Do you want to run their sh-?'

'Nooooo!' I wailed, overdramatically. 'But I haven't decided what I actually do want to do with my life.'

'I told you not to ask her, Alice.' This from Charlotte who's just as dramatic as me sometimes.

'Just do the tutoring and in the meantime think about what career you would like, okay?' Alice spoke to me like an adult to a toddler.

'Okay,' I sniffed.

'Hogsmeade tomorrow, May. A belly full of chocolate will cheer you right up.'

* * *

You guys know about Hogsmeade? It's this quaint and cutesy village down the road from Hogwarts that I am 100% sure would have shut down if it weren't for all these students spending their parents' money. So yeah, the only reason I visit Hogsmeade is to support the local economy by buying sweets, Butterbeer and Dungbombs. But I do this selflessly to support the villagers, you know?

Roland, Charlotte and I are in The Three Broomsticks because it's 9.30am so why the fuck not. Charlotte's being a bit antsy, looking at the door a lot.

'Who're you waiting for?' I asked.

Charlotte blushed. 'Nobody.'

'Right. Well, I need to visit Spintwiches for a new repair kit for my broom.' I downed the last of my Butterbeer. 'Back in a minute.'

'I'll come.' Roland said, pushing his half drunken Butterbeer aside.

'I'm going to stay and save the table.' Charlotte said cheerily.

I shrugged at Roland. 'Okay, if you don't mind sitting by yourself for a while.'

Roland and I walked the cobblestone path that ran through Hogsmeade in companionable silence. Well, that's what it would have been if I wasn't jabbering on about Quidditch, chocolate frogs and whatever else came to mind.

When I stopped to inhale Roland asked, 'Are things okay between us?' He had a slight frown when he looked at me.

'Sure!' I squeaked. 'Why wouldn't they be?' I may have started humming. I never hum. I almost walked right past Spintwiches I was that distracted. Roland tugged me by the elbow into the shop. I twisted away from him as naturally as I could to break contact with him.

Look, I don't want to sound like a cold hearted bitch, I really don't. Roland is such a warm guy, extremely clever, far from ugly, destined for great things in life. But he's still just my friend. My good friend. My other good friend's ex-boyfriend. It's complicated, you know. But even it wasn't so complicated, I still don't look at him like that. And I really don't want to have an _I don't like you like that_ conversation with him and accidentally hurt the boy. So my response to the whole situation was to bury my head in the sand and pretend it wasn't happening. That will work, right?

In the store I found the shelf I was looking for right away but it took me a moment to figure out which kit I needed.

'Why are there so many bloody choices for repair kits?' I muttered and tried to read the tiny print on the packaging to find the kit designed for old-as-fuck brooms.

It was then that I realised somebody was standing between me and the shelves. I looked up, expecting to see Roland, but instead found myself face to handsome face with Sirius. Did I say handsome? I meant repulsive.

'My offer still stands.' Sirius said, obviously talking about the Nimbus. Roland was looking from Sirius to me and back to Sirius.

'My refusal still stands.' I pushed him aside to place the kit back where it belonged.

'Don't be hot-headed, it's a good offer. You don't have to do anything for it.'

'May said no.' Roland looked pretty fired up. I could see Sirius' jaw twitching as he evaluated him. If an all-out brawl broke out within the shop, I'd go at them both with that Beater's bat that's on display.

'Your boyfriend speaks for you?' Sirius asked me with a raised brow.

'Not my boyfriend.' I said through gritted teeth and Roland looked a bit hurt. I bit my lip and sighed. 'Okay, fine, I'll borrow your stupid Nimbus. Happy now?'

'Yep,' he smirked.

I left the kit and walked out the door with Roland close behind. Now our silence was most uncompanionable.

'You don't like the guy, do you May?' He eventually asked.

'Pssssh no!' I rolled my eyes. 'Look, he's arrogant, mean and conceited. Calls me Piggy and thinks it's hilarious. I do not like the guy. Okay?'

'Good, because I see the way he looks at you.' Roland pushed open the door of The Three Broomsticks.

I hesitated for a second. 'How does he look at me?' I asked with feigned casualness.

'Who?' Charlotte asked, already on her third Butterbeer and hiccupping between sips.

'Sirius Black.' Roland spat. Whoa, that was said with quite a bit of animosity.

'What are you saying?' Charlotte slowly asked. 'Does Sirius fancy May?'

'No!' I said, as Roland said, 'probably.'

'Huh.' Was all she responded.

The rest of the day dissolved around us. We visited Honeydukes and Zonkos together but we were all too distracted to enjoy it. Charlotte was despondent, Roland was quiet and I kept thinking, does Sirius fancy me? Do I fancy him?

* * *

That night I was lounging on my favourite couch - the one that sat to the right of the fireplace. The one on the left was exactly the same, of course, I just liked Righty. I was balancing my wand across my upper lip and staring into space when I heard my name.

'May. Have a minute?'

I looked up into Remus' face. He looked healthier than he did a couple weeks back. That boy really needs to eat more oranges.

'Sure. What's new?' I asked and removed my wand.

'Professor Babbling indicated that you might want a tutor in Runes. I can help?'

'Oh yeah. Sure. Why not.' I balanced my wand back across my lip.

Remus hesitated for a second.

'Oops! I mean thank-you. Sorry, didn't mean to be rude.' I amended with a grin.

'No, not that. It's just about Ch-. No, never mind.'

'Alright?'

'Wednesday afternoon in the library? We can use that study period right after Ancient Runes to go back over the lesson.'

I nodded. Guess I'm doing this.

* * *

The following couple of weeks followed in much the same fashion as the first. I barely saw Roland outside of mealtimes and Charlotte had lost her sparkle. I thought I knew why Roland was being distant but why Charlotte?

'What's wrong Char?' I asked during Potions. We were creating antidotes to love potions. Anti-love potions. Hate potions, basically.

'Nothing.'

'It's obviously not _nothing_.'

She sighed. 'The guy I said I fancied? I'm positive he doesn't fancy me back.'

'Aw, Charlotte.' I didn't know what to say. 'I'd fancy you.'

Her frown cleared for a second. 'Easy for you to say. Sounds like you've got the whole school hanging off you.'

I hesitated. Did she know about Roland? 'And yet I'm still single, so I think you've got that one wrong.' Charlotte stayed quiet. 'What makes you think he doesn't like you?' I probed.

Charlotte spoke slowly. 'I suggested to him that we meet up for a Butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks last Hogsmeade weekend. He said… _if you want._ Then he never showed.'

'Not all guys are sweethearts like Rollo.'

'Apparently not.'

I sighed and realised I'd somehow added Asphodel leaves instead of Aconite to my potion and it had begun to hiss ominously.

'Right,' I said and vanished my potion. 'During lunch were going to charm all the forks to be self-feeding. How about that? Watch the student try to eat while their cutlery has a mind of its own. That'll cheer you up.'

Charlotte grinned. There's the old Charlotte.

The charmed forks went down about as well as you could have expected. Some of the older students knew how to uncharm the forks, but many of the younger ones tried to physically force their fork to stop feeding them. There was spaghetti in hair, soup on robes and general chaos ensued. I made sure to scarper once Dumbledore entered the Great Hall, lest I earn another detention, but he seemed amused by the whole thing.

* * *

Weekly tutoring with Remus went smoothly. I better understood the Rune translations now, but I still didn't enjoy the subject any more than I used to. Remus understood my predicament, he seemed to be having trouble picking a career path too. Not sure why, with those grades he would be accepted into any job he desired.

And then one Wednesday, Remus didn't show. But Sirius did.

I looked up in surprise when he sat down at my table in the library. Pffft, Sirius didn't venture into libraries.

'Remus not well?' I asked, but I was already packing away my textbooks without waiting for an answer.

'He's not, so I'm here instead, Piglet.'

I rolled my eyes. 'You don't even take Runes.'

'I don't because I don't want to. It sounds like you should do the same.' Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. 'I heard from Remus that you're only taking Runes to please your family.'

'Yeah, so?'

'Don't bend to the will of your family, especially if it goes against what you want for yourself.'

'And what do you know about family?' We'd all heard about the infamous falling out Sirius had with the rest of the Blacks.

The reply, when it came, was cool. 'Enough to know discord when I see it.'

I dug my palms into my eye sockets until I saw dog stars. 'I don't have any special talents.' I sighed. 'I'm just kind of okay at everything and I don't know what to do with my life.'

Sirius didn't say anything so I peeked around my hands. He was leaning back on his chair, a delicately raised eyebrow spoke volumes. 'Fishing, Piglet?'

'Where's a muzzle when you need one?' I muttered.

Sirius grinned. 'I actually think you have a knack for Defence Against the Dark Arts. You seem to pick it up quick.'

'So, I'll just take up a career in hunting down You-know-who then. Mum will be pleased.'

Sirius laughed. It was a good laugh, unselfconscious and natural. A bark almost. I'm really beginning to see the dog traits now.

'Next weekend,' I began and I could almost see his ears perk up, 'Can I borrow your Nimbus for Quidditch practise? I think I need to take it for a proper test ride before our match against Slytherin next month.'

'Oh. Yeah, sure.'

'And you're really not bothered?' Berk better not change his mind now. I'm already salivating at the idea of flying a modern broomstick.

'Nah. I've been flying this lately.' He pulled from his bag a photograph of a shiny new muggle motorbike, with one proud Sirius leaning against it. 'Bought it last summer.'

'Nice bicycle.'

Sirius snorted. 'Anyway, no, I'm not bothered. You can hold onto the Nimbus for a while. I'll let you know if I need it back.'

'Alright.' I shoved my remaining notes and quills into my backpack. 'See you.'

I'd taken a few steps when a crumpled piece of parchment hit the back of my head.

'Oi!' I turned back to Sirius with the intention of pegging him in the face with it, but he was no longer there.

Inside the crumpled parchment was a neat sketch of a pig riding a broomstick.

* * *

The Nimbus was a dream. The first thing I'm going to buy when I've made a few galleons will be a quality broomstick. Still have no idea what I'll be doing to make those galleons… Maybe I could test fly new broomsticks for a living? Though, now that Sirius had mentioned doing something in Defence, I could really picture myself sticking it to the bad guys. It seemed ridiculous at first, me an Auror? But the more I thought about it, the less ridiculous it seemed. I was good at Defence Against the Dark Arts. Though it took most of the month to work up the nerve to actually say it out loud.

After one particularly unorthodox lesson in Defence where we spent the afternoon learning close combat fighting techniques, otherwise known as throwing a punch, I approached Professor Twelvetrees and broached the subject.

'A few nice throws today, Miss Proudfoot.' Twelvetrees smiled, referring to the sparring session I had with James, 'though if I say no wands, I do mean no wands.'

'Sorry Professor.' I grinned. 'If you don't mind, I'd like to speak to you about a possible career centred around Defence Against the Dark Arts.' I waited for her to laugh.

Twelvetrees eyed me thoughtfully for a second. 'Well, you certainly have what it takes - you're talking about becoming an Auror, I assume?' I nodded. 'Then you should know that the Ministry of Magic's resources are stretched pretty thin these days, with their best Aurors dedicated to tracking You-know-who's activities and many of Britain's best wizards and witches have already been lost. If you were to begin your Auror training here and now, you'd be getting a subpar education.'

'Oh.'

Twelvetrees sighed. 'Don't look so defeated girl. If you're serious about this, I'll contact some people back home.'

'At MACUSA?'

She gave a tiny nod. 'Our Auror training department in the States is first-rate. You'd be getting the kind of instruction required make a dent in the dark forces threatening to take over this country.'

Contact some people? She was _so American._ But I was pleased to have her help, no doubt about it.

* * *

I couldn't believe it when I discovered that Hallowe'en was already upon us, have I already been at school for two whole months? Charlotte and I joined Roland at the Hufflepuff table for the Hallowe'en Feast, shooing down a couple of 1st years to make room on the bench. There was going to be a party in Gryffindor common room tonight and we felt it was time Roland had a little fun for once.

'Rollo, there's going to be a party in the common room tonight, want to join? Just take off the tie and nobody will know you're Hufflepuff.' Charlotte said sipping from her pumpkin juice. 'Huh, I think there's alcohol in this?'

'Really?' I took a deep drink and laughed. 'Yep. Someone's spiked the pumpkin juice this year.'

'What?!' Roland stood up. Charlotte and I tugged him back into his seat knowing he was about to report it to a teacher.

'It's not strong, Rollo. Most students won't even notice it.' I placated.

Roland sighed. 'Yeah, okay. I'll let it go. And I guess I should be at Gryffindor party, sounds like you guys need someone responsible overseeing the festivities.'

'That's the spirit!' Charlotte sang as she watched her glass of pumpkin juice refill itself.

Sirius and James had obviously began drinking a bit earlier in the day. I'd heard them laughing and whooping from the table behind us throughout the feast. When we finally dragged our swollen bellies away from the food, we'd stepped through the portrait hole and found the party was already roaring.

All the scarlet colours of the Gryffindor common room had been changed to orange and black – from the couches to the curtains. Dotted around the room were carved pumpkins charmed to sing Hoggy Warty Hogwarts.

Sirius popped up out of nowhere. 'Firewhiskey?' He offered us glasses of amber liquid from the tray floating by.

Charlotte and I chinked our glasses and took a deep gulp. I almost blew a lung from the effort of holding back a cough. Roland was frowning into his glass.

'Where'd you get the alcohol?' He asked, his tone already accusatory.

'Don't worry about it mate. I'll let you have some.' Sirius threw back.

'I'm asking as a prefect.'

'It was a generous gift from a late uncle before he passed. Are you going to confiscate it?' Sirius eyed him coolly. I could tell he was irked. Roland flushed just a little.

'Come on.' I grabbed Roland by the hand and tugged him away. 'He's trying to provoke you. Ignore it.'

'Because he wants me to leave.'

'Well, yeah, you're being a right stick in the mud.' Where had the easy-going Rollo of last year gone to? And who was this square he'd been replaced with? I swear he hasn't always been like this.

Roland levelled his warm brown eyes on me. 'You think that's the only reason he wants me out of the picture?'

I looked over at Sirius who had Peter in a headlock as he tried to force a hollowed out pumpkin over his head.

'You're dreaming, Rollo.' I said. 'Sirius fancies nobody, least of all me. It's all in your head because you don't like the guy.'

'Humph.' He huffed, then went off to chat to Lily. Probably going to convince her to send everyone off to bed.

Where had Charlotte gone? There she is, leaning on the armrest of the couch, chatting to Remus. She looked a bit giddy (how much had she drunken in the last twenty minutes?) and Remus seemed a little uncomfortable – but there was something else unidentifiable in his face? A fondness - or have I got that entirely wrong? I watched them for a minute, trying to work it out. Then Remus gave a curt nod to Charlotte and walked away. I wonder if Remus is the boy she's crushing on?

I felt a sudden flush of glacial breeze and a prickle down my back, like being suddenly submerged in icy water. Oh, gee, thanks for using me as your doorway, Nearly Headless Nick. Don't you have a house to haunt and teenagers to scare?

I helped myself to a second glass of firewhiskey. After the first glass, the stuff is surprisingly easy to throw back.

'Pssst. Pssssssttttt!'

I noticed from the corner of my eye that Charlotte was beckoning me over with exaggerated whispers and hand motions. I pretended not to notice for a minute as she caught the attention of everyone else around us. When I could ignore it no longer, I turned to her with a look of surprise and mouthed, _me?_

'Yes!' She all but shouted.

'What are you up to?' I asked as I watched Remus bent to whisper in Sirius' ear. They both looked over at us.

'I've asked Remus to tell Sirius that I fancy him,' Charlotte giggled, slurring just a little.

'Sirius? You like Sirius? Charlotte!' I groaned. 'Are you mad?'

'Go, go!' Charlotte hissed, interrupting me. 'He's coming over.' She pushed me away.

Something squeezed me from the inside. Must have eaten too much at the feast, surely that's it. I need another drink - and some fresh air. I like the windows in our common room. Tall and grand. I have my third or fourth firewhiskey in hand and instead of partying with the other Gryffindors, I'm sitting in the alcove by the window with my cheek pressed against the cool glass. I'm great fun to be around, I'm sure.

From here I can see Sirius chatting to Charlotte, his hands casually looped into his pockets. I can't see his face, but I can see hers. She looks happy. I took another deep gulp of firewhiskey and closed my eyes for a minute or ten.

I don't like orange. Why ith Hallowe'en alwayth orange? It's such a thilly colour. I think I've drunk too mush. I think I'm gonna spthew. Nope, justh a burp. Gonna lie down though, it's nice and comthor-, compftor-, comfortable here. Urghhhhhhh.


	3. November 1977

**November 1977**

Wow. Okay, ouch. Sunlight hurts. Why is it so bright? Ugh, my neck hurts. Somebodies foot is in my face, oh, it's Charlotte's. We're both tangled together on the window seat of the common room like Mama's pasta spaghetti.

'Here, drink this. You'll feel better in a minute.'

Sirius stood in front of me with a glass of blue-tinged water – an anti-hangover draught by the looks of it. I considered refusing him out of spite (why do I feel spiteful?), but that stuff really is magic. I chugged it back, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my robes. I instantly felt my brain rehydrate like a sponge in water. Sirius sat down cross-legged on top of a nearby table looking amused - I'm sure I look horrid right now.

With last night's events on my mind, I said, 'Charlotte is a lovely girl. I should know, I am her friend after all.'

Sirius tilted his head to the side in a manner that was comically doggish. I giggled.

'What's so funny?'

'Nothing, Pup.'

With a glance at the peacefully sleeping Charlotte, Sirius leaned close and murmured. 'I'm not interested in your friend.'

And I couldn't help it, despite the fact that I kind of thought he was cute and I might have felt a just a twinge of jealousy last night when Charlotte chatted to Sirius, I had to defend my friend. Hoes before Bros and all that.

'Because you haven't given her a chance.' I stage whispered back.

Sirius looked taken aback. 'You think I should give Charlotte a chance? There's nobody else you would rather see me date?' His eyes held a challenge.

I didn't say anything. I'd talked myself into a corner once again. Why did Charlotte and I have to have the same taste in guys? Oh, that's right, because Sirius is tall, dark and handsome, and every woman's type is tall, dark and handsome.

'Nope. Can't think of anyone.' I shook my head violently. Ooh, that's not a good idea while still somewhat hungover. Charlotte, you owe me big time for this, you goose.

Sirius sighed, fluidly hopped off the table and loped up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. I may have enjoyed watching him walk away. Chaste thoughts only, of course.

Although I felt I did right by my best friend, I had a feeling that Sirius would never date somebody he didn't like. I saw Charlotte stir out of the corner of my eye.

'Homushdidrink?' Charlotte mumbled into her shoulder.

'In English please.'

'How. Much. Did. I. Drink?'

'Just half a glass of firewhiskey and you were off. Had to get Rollo to hold you down when you wanted to streak through the castle.'

Charlotte groan-laughed. 'Whatever. Besides, I can outdrink you.'

'I'd say we were pretty evenly matched last night.' I picked up Nigel and he immediately began to purr and dribble.

'Seen much of Sirius this morning?' Though she made it sound so casual, I knew the question was anything but. Do I do the decent thing and tell her he said he's not interested? Or do I keep quiet and spare her feelings?

And what do I want for myself?

'Yeah, for a minute earlier. Probably hasn't even slept.' I couldn't tell her. It was cruel. 'You haven't forgotten that it's Monday today right? We have Herbology in about 20 minutes.'

It was at that exact moment that rain began to pelt the windows with such aggression that Charlotte had to yell to be heard.

'Fuck that. If anyone asks, I'm sick.'

'Sick in the head.'

'That too.'

I could have easily joined her - I'm sure half of Gryffindor will be skiving off lessons today. But I felt edgy and hanging out with Charlotte was the last thing I wanted to do right now. So I threw on my school robes and swung by the Great Hall to grab a piece of toast.

It was doing my head in, this clichéd love triangle. Not that Charlotte had any idea that it was a triangle in the first place. In her head, she liked Sirius and he might like her back. That's all she knew. And I couldn't tell her that I might fancy him also, because I didn't actually know if I did. I mean, he's still a jerk, that hasn't changed, so why do I like him? And what makes me think he would fancy me back? A couple passing comments from Roland?

I strode out the front door in the direction of the greenhouses and pointed my wand skyward to summon a shimmering umbrella. I'm imagining the poor muggles who have to physically carry an umbrella everywhere, when I heard swift sloshy steps from behind. Sirius ducked his head under my umbrella charm with a wide grin.

'Shouldn't you be on a leash?' I asked cheekily to hide my hectic heartbeat.

'Shouldn't you be rolling in the mud?' He tossed back.

'Would you like that?' What did I say that for? Idiot!

Sirius laughed but didn't answer the question. 'I didn't think you blushed, Piglet.'

'I'm not blushing. I'm pink with anticipation at the thought of handling copious piles of dragon dung fertiliser this morning. Just what my hangover needs.'

'Good point.' Sirius suddenly stopped walking and tugged me backwards by the fabric of my jumper. 'I have a better idea.' I could almost see the wag of his tail.

'And what could be better than dung?' I asked sarcastically, but deep down I knew I'd be doing anything that man asked of me, that's how deep in trouble I was. Oh Lordy.

'Walk with me.' I fell into step beside him. The rain continued its heavy decent and my socks were saturated already. Every now and then his arm would graze mine and I'd get this twisty-turny feeling in my stomach like I was some kind of lovesick teenager. Oh. Right.

Sirius put his hand under my elbow and hoisted my wand up. 'If you're insisting on carrying the umbrella charm, can you quit poking me in the eye with it?'

'Oh, sure thing, mutt.' I stepped away from him so he was immediately drenched in the downpour. He conjured his own umbrella and swept his wet hair out of his eyes. Now there were no more accidental arm grazes. Well done me.

I felt a little like I was betraying Charlotte by being here with Sirius, which is silly, because that means I'm doing something wrong, which I'm not. Wait, what are we actually doing?

'Are you going to tell me what we're doing or am I supposed to guess?'

'You're supposed to guess.'

'We're going to terrorise the students of Hogwarts for our own amusement?'

Sirius clicked his fingers. 'Great idea! Why hadn't I thought of that?' We were walking in the direction of the Forbidden Forest. 'Professor Kettleburn has a Niffler enclosure here for his Care of Magical Creatures classes. We're going to let one loose in the Slytherin common room.'

'We are?'

'Shhh.' Sirius held a finger to his lips and motioned towards where a distracted Kettleburn was humming to himself and tending to the Nifflers. We both ducked behind a large walnut tree - I think, I don't really know trees, it could have been a Christmas tree for all I knew. From here I could see the greenhouses where we were supposed to be attending class right now. I bet Charlotte and I will be getting an earful from Roland later.

'What are you rolling your eyes at now?' Sirius asked. 'I thought you'd be cool with this.'

Did I roll my eyes? It's such a natural response now.

'I was just thinking about the telling off I'll be getting from Rollo for skiving off Herbology.'

We were both leaning against the tree trunk side by side. If I moved my arm a fraction, I would be touching Sirius. I did and surprisingly he didn't move his arm away.

'Okay, that does warrant an eye roll.' Sirius looked thoughtful. 'What's the deal with you two?'

'There's no deal. We're just friends.'

'Does he know that?' Sirius smirked.

'I should hope so, we've been hanging out for a couple of years now.'

'You know that's not what I meant.'

Okay, there's the irritating side of Sirius we all know and love. 'You've got it all wrong. He's just a really protective friend. Wants the best for me.'

'Wants other things too.' Sirius stretched and tucked his hands behind his head.

'Not from me.'

Sirius sighed and leaned towards me - kissing distance away. 'May. Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once. You are a stunning girl. If you think he doesn't fancy you, then you are either daft or blind.' His eyes flicked over my shoulder while I stood there gaping at him in disbelief. Did I just hear what I think I heard?

Sirius cleared his throat. 'Kettleburn's gone, it's time to roll. We need to bait the Niffler - have any coins in your pockets? Are you wearing any jewellery?'

His eyes swept over my throat and his hand brushed aside my hair to scan my ear lobes. A gesture that we both recognised as intimate at the exact same moment. Sirius dropped his eyes. 'Never mind. I have this.' He unlatched the finely crafted gold watch at his wrist. Wow, that would have cost a shiny Sickle or two.

While we had been chatting the rain had eased to a drizzle and I was suddenly aware of my damp robes and the goose bumps that ran down arms. Something I had failed to notice in the warmth of Sirius' attention.

The walled pen that held the Nifflers was about 6ft tall, a necessity for keeping those mischievous little critters from wreaking havoc at Hogwarts.

'The gate door to the pen is locked, but we don't want to risk them escaping anyway.' Sirius used a groove in the wood to hoist himself to the top of the wall and he swung a leg over. Then, with the watch in left hand and his wand in right, Sirius coaxed one of the more curious Nifflers over. 'Keep an eye out, in case Kettleburn returns.'

Oh right, good idea. Don't want to get sprung by a teacher while gaping up at Sirius' backside. Imagine what the detention slip would say. Probably something like:

 **Student:** May Proudfoot

 **Date:** 1 November 1977

 **Reason for detention:** Skipped class for the sole purpose of gawking at the posterior of Sirius Black.

 **Note:** Exhibits behaviour akin to that of a sexual predator. Keep active watch for the safety of the other students.

'Are you listening?'

I was suddenly aware that Sirius had been trying to get my attention. 'Do I have to listen to you?'

'Just hold him, okay? I can't climb down and keep the little guy from escaping. I'm not going to do everything myself.'

'Alright, alright. Quit whinging already.'

I took a hold of the Niffler and he immediately began to sniff me down, his moist snout digging under my sleeves and making me giggle. Sirius landed next to me with a soft thud.

'Okay, Niffler – check.' I mimed making a tick in the air. 'Easy. Now, how the hell are we supposed to get him into the Slytherin common room? I don't even know where that is.'

Sirius snorted. 'Amateur. Where'd you think?'

'Right next to the library?' I asked, my words laced with sarcasm. It was funny how easily our slightly flirty conversation had been forgotten and we were back to getting on each other's nerves.

'Just follow me and keep quiet. I don't want your big mouth getting us caught.'

'Right. I have the big mouth. If you say so.'

Sirius rolled his eyes. Looks like I'm rubbing off on him. That sounded weird, forget I said that.

At the front door Sirius stopped. 'It's ladies first, though I have my doubts about whether you classify.'

'Nope, you first.' I replied. 'Age before beauty.'

'Barely. I believe your birthday is just a few days after mine.'

I was surprised he knew that so I said, 'I'm surprised you know that.' Sometimes I do actually say what I'm thinking.

Sirius shrugged. 'I don't forget things. Even useless facts like that. What I want to know is, why'd your parents not name you _November?_ '

'Very clever.' More sarcasm.

'I am.' Sirius escorted me down the staircase off the Entrance Hall that led down to the dungeons.

'I guess that means our parents had sex around the same time.' I watched with amusement as his mouth downturned with distaste.

'Nah, my parents are virgins.'

I laughed. I couldn't help it. But then a door opened from behind us and an irritable Professor Twelvetrees stepped out of her office. We'd been caught and it was all because of my big mouth.

'Why aren't you two in class?'

'We are. We've been sent on an errand by Professor Kettleburn.' Sirius was quick to lie.

'And that errand is?'

I could almost hear the cogs in his brain turning.

'This Niffler is rather ill. Professor Kettleburn sent us over to see if Professor Slughorn has a potion to cure mild poisoning.'

I held up the healthy and energetic Niffler in my arms. She eyed us silently. She wouldn't be a Legilimens, would she? I shifted my gaze to my scuffed shoes.

'I don't believe you.'

'Professor, with all due respect, we're in a bit of a hurry.' Sirius pleaded.

'Inside. Now.' She held the door of her Defence office open.

Sirius and I looked at each other. _Sorry,_ I mouthed. Sirius sighed.

We were sat down in two chairs opposite Professor Twelvetree's desk, she leaned against it with her arms folded across her chest.

She eyed us for a second. Legilimens. Gotta be. 'You two are by far the brightest Defence Against the Dark Arts students that I've ever had the pleasure to teach.' I looked up hopeful that we might get off scot free after all. 'However, you are also two of the most undisciplined and unruly troublemakers in this school.' Nope. A detention is coming, I can feel it. 'So, I don't feel you've left me much choice. 50 points from Gryffindor and detentions next Sunday.'

'But Professor, my birthday is on Sunday! I'll do it on any other day, please?' I would have gotten down on my knees and begged if I thought that would help.

'Nope. Sunday at 2pm, here.'

It was then that I realised the Niffler was no longer in my arms. Oh, it's okay, there he is - running along the bookshelf directly behind Professor _Twelveleaves_ and sniffing around the books. Whoops, my bad.

 _Sorry, not sorry,_ I muttered under my breath.

'What did you say?'

'Nothing, Professor. It won't happen again,' I chimed. We needed to get out of here before she noticed that I'd let a Niffler go wild in her office full of shiny contraptions and dark magic detectors. Sirius must have noticed the Niffler also, for he too was nodding away furiously.

'May and I need to get back to class before we miss too much, Professor.' Sirius was halfway out the door and I wasn't far behind.

As soon as we'd shut the door behind us we set off up the hall so fast that I'm surprised we didn't leave a blaze of fiendfire in our wake. Sirius dragged me behind a tapestry and into a secret passageway I hadn't ever known about. Do remind me to pick that boy's brains about Hogwarts secret passageways later.

'I'm so sorry!' I said, but when he turned around he was laughing freely, a hand on his chest.

'That. That was even better than the Slytherin common room. Worth another detention, for sure.'

'Easy for you to say, it's not on your birthday.'

'Aww, Piglet, I'll help you make your birthday memorable afterwards.' Sirius said with a cheeky grin, his hair falling into his eyes. He reached out and ran the tips of his fingers along my jawline surprisingly gently. My stomach fluttered. Have I already forgotten that Charlotte liked him first? Is that the kind of friend I am?

As difficult as it was, I stepped away from his outreached hand. He dropped his arm and watched me silently, his face impassive.

'Sorry, I have to run.' I attempted to laugh, to lighten the thick suffocating blanket that had smothered us the moment I'd reluctantly rejected him. 'It's been fun though, we'll have to do it again sometime.'

Sirius shrugged coolly. 'If you want,' he said and left without a backwards glance.

I heaved a sigh, feeling yucky and hungover.

Right now, Charlotte thinks I'm in Herbology but Roland knows I'm not, so when Charlotte eventually asks how I really spent my morning, I'll have to lie. Even if I told her the truth that Sirius and I just pulled a silly prank together, she'll feel hurt. Ugh, feelings are messy, why do we need them again?

I need to find Roland and convince him not to tell Charlotte I'd skived off Herbology. If he doesn't mention anything to her, then I won't have to hurt her with the truth. It's only a short-term plan, of course. The long-term plan is to find Charlotte someone worthy of her attention - which boy would be best suited to her? I'll have to have a think about that later and play matchmaker.

'Oi, Rollo!' I called as I spotted him walking up the marble staircase alone. He leaned against the banister to wait for me. A couple of 5th year Hufflepuff girls smiled at him as they passed, but he seemed not to notice.

'How's your head?' Roland asked grinning at me. 'You sure drank your fill last night. I'd have tucked you into bed if I were allowed in the girls' dormitory.' I continued to climb the stairs with him. Second period on a Monday was a study period and we usually spent it in the library together.

'That's sweet Rollo.' I buttered him up. 'Hey, so you obviously noticed that neither Char or I joined you in Herbology today.' He raised his eyebrows as if to say of course, 'but Charlotte thinks I did attend – so could you pretty please not mention that I was absent.'

Roland froze mid-step. 'Why?' He asked suspiciously.

What do I say?

'Erm… Because I don't want her to know about this-' and I tugged at his tie until his mouth met mine. His lips were soft and warm, his kiss sweet, his hands on my shoulders gentle. It was a perfectly pleasant snog, but it lacked oomph, you know?

Besides, it was an awful, awful, awful idea, I don't know why I did it. This is what happens when I think on the fly. I wanted to distract Roland, keep him from asking too much. But in my haste, I'd forgotten that he's also Charlotte's recent ex-boyfriend who possibly fancies me. I kicked myself mentally - way to hurt two people in one go, May.

I broke away. 'I don't want Charlotte to get jealous, so you can't tell her okay?' I finished lamely. A few students had wolf whistled at us and I felt like a right strumpet snogging in public.

Roland looked like someone had clubbed him up the side of the head with a beaters bat.

'Right, are we heading to the library or not? 'Cos if not, I'm heading straight to bed.'

'No. No, I'm coming.' Roland broke free of his trance and licked his lips.

I marched us to the library, nervously chatting the entire way to keep a friendly barrier between us. When we sat at a study table in the library, I walled myself in with piles of textbooks. When he reached over to hold my hand, I casually moved my hand to my lap. I ignored the frequent glances he sent my way. In other words, I was trying to undo the damage I'd done by kissing the poor boy.

Why do I continuously get myself into messes like these?

* * *

' _Cobweb!_ ' I huffed at the Fat Lady's portrait – seven years of daily climbs to the 7th floor has kept me fit as a fiddle. Wonder how fat I'd be if I were right by kitchens on the 1st floor in Hufflepuff?

'Nope.' The Fat Lady twiddled her thumbs.

'Nope, what? Urrrggghhh! It's the first day of the month isn't it?' I kicked the frame of the portrait – I'd forgotten to check the notice board this morning for this month's new password.

'Don't get rough with me young lady. You know the rules, can't let you in if you don't know the password.'

'But you know me! You've been letting me into the common room at least once a day for the last seven years! If you don't let me in, I'll hammer on your painting until someone inside hears me.'

'And I'll shriek until a teacher comes to give you a detention.'

Battle lines were drawn as I eyed up the Fat Lady, what to do? I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. I am not walking back downstairs to find another Gryffindor to tell me the new password.

'The new password is _befuddled_.'

'Thank-you!' I whirled around to find Charlotte and Remus walking up the stairs looking amused.

'Not a problem, you looked to be this close,' Charlotte pinched her finger and thumb just a fraction apart, 'to cursing the Fat Lady to Timbuktu.'

I laughed. 'So you attended afternoon classes today, then?'

'Yeah,' Charlotte jabbed a thumb at Remus, 'He convinced me to join him for Arithmancy today. A good influence on me, that one.'

Remus shrugged. 'I don't think I could have taken another whole lesson on the magical properties of the number seven without one of your bad jokes.'

'What about this one then: _a man woke up at 7.07am, looked at the calendar to find that it's 7th of July 1977, so he bet 777 galleons at a winged horserace on horse 7. The horse came 7th._ '

'Yeah, you're right Remus,' I interrupted his laughter, 'they are bad jokes.'

'I'm going to head upstairs - I'll see you guys at dinner,' he said as we climbed the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

Okay, it's time to do something good for a change. I've been thinking all day about which Hogwarts boy would be right for Charlotte. She has told me he has to be tall, attractive, have a good sense of humour, be clever and witty – but now I think about it, she must have been describing Sirius.

I tried to be nonchalant as I flopped onto my four-poster bed. 'So, Remus is nice and tall, don't you think? Must be about 6ft2?'

Charlotte shrugged. 'Possibly.'

'Attractive too, lovely green eyes.'

'I guess?'

'Has a clever sense of humour as well – witty, you know?'

Charlotte shot me a knowing look. 'Do you fancy him? Is that what you're trying to say?'

'Me? No! No, no, no. But he'd be great for someone else though, don't you think?'

'Who?'

I grabbed her by the arms and rag dolled her. 'You Char, you! He's another sweetheart like Rollo, he would never agree to meet you and then do a no-show! Has all of Sirius' qualities in spades and is actually a decent human being as well.' I shook her again for good measure. Charlotte tried to shimmy from my grasp but I tightened my hold. 'Nigel curls up on Remus' lap every night, so with the cat's seal of approval – you have to go for him.'

She spoke her next words slowly, as if afraid of them. 'Do you think I'm wasting my time with Sirius?'

I let her go. 'Any girl would be.' I felt just as uncomfortable with that truth. 'He as good as told me so this morning. Sorry Char.'

Charlotte rubbed her face wearily, opened her mouth to speak, closed it again, then looked at me.

'Okay - say, _theoretically of course_ that I might like Remus – a little. How would I flirt with someone so… gentle?'

'You say, _hey Remus, wanna go halves on a baby?_ '

* * *

We sat next to Remus at dinner that evening and chatted about Charlotte's career plans (she wants to get into quill crafting – a useful skill, Remus told her). Sirius ignored us, James chatted to Lily (those two are closer than ever, these days) and Peter ate. I finished my cottage pie as quickly as possible to give Charlotte and Remus some space together – they got on like a house on fiendfire, it was so cute I wanted to puke.

Okay. One problem solved. Charlotte and Remus will live a happy life together and have beautiful babies.

Now I just need to apologise to Roland and Sirius for the mixed messages I've sent them both. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy.

Except apologising to Sirius was harder than expected. He was never ever on his own. Either he was with his friends, or there was a simpering girl hanging around, not recognising the look of haughty boredom he wore on his face when talking to anyone who wasn't James, Remus or Peter.

It also didn't help that he had spent the days following The Great Niffler Adventure (that's what I'm calling it, you can't stop me) avoiding me. How am I supposed to apologise to the bloody prat if he keeps disappearing on me?

Wednesday rolled around and you know what day it is right? November 3rd, Sirius' birthday! And I'm hoping the stupid git is in a good mood today, because I'm going to force an apology on him whether he wants to hear it or not.

I was planning to pull him aside after our first lesson of the day – Transfiguration, but he wasn't there and I thought typical, probably overslept again. But he wasn't in Defence either, which was unusual, because I'm pretty sure it's his favourite subject – not that he'd ever admit he had a favourite subject. So I sat next to James, Peter and Remus at lunch to probe them – um, I mean question them.

If you want James' attention, start a conversation about either Quiddtich or Lily.

'First Quidditch match of the season this weekend and we're up against Slytherin. Are we ready for a such a crucial game this early in the year?' I asked him.

'Yeah, I actually think we have a very unified team this year – we all understand each other's strengths and weaknesses – Slytherin won't stand a chance. How are you liking the Nimbus?'

'It's sex on a stick.'

'Speaking of which,' James laughed, 'Did you take Sirius on a frolic through a rainstorm on Monday? Because the poor sod has caught a cold on his birthday. He's up in our dormitory now sounding, looking and smelling like a ghoul. I'm thinking I might pop up real quick and give him some chains to rattle.'

Ah, that is surprising. I didn't think anything could take that boy down. I can't even picture him actually ill.

'I think you'll find he took me on the frolic through the rainstorm. It was his idea of a romantic outing.' I joked but James didn't laugh. Hmm. 'You know what, I feel bad. I'm going to run a bowl of soup up to him.'

The Marauders shrugged at each other. 'Good luck.' Remus mumbled.

Ladling out a generous bowl of leek and potato soup, I began the arduous journey up seven sets of moving staircases to reach Gryffindor common room. Twice I nearly dropped the bowl, as well as the odd looks from the hundred or so students I passed on the way up. Sirius better appreciate the effort.

Some ten minutes later, as I climbed the stairs to the boys' dormitory with a now lukewarm bowl of soup, I felt my stomach twist with nerves. I could clearly see our last conversation happening in my mind's eye – the hurt in his eyes when I stepped away from him, and how suddenly he turned cold towards me.

I took a deep breath, put my hand on the doorknob to the 7th year boys' room, then hesitated and turned around. I got halfway back down the stairs when I stalled again. No, I can do this. Get it over with. So back up the stairs again and with a quiet knock on the door, I pushed it open.

The boys' dormitory looked a lot like ours, except smellier and messier. Sirius lay in bed, sleeping. His cheeks were flushed and he looked kind of cherub-like with his hair haloed around his head – sweet for once in his life. I watched him for a moment, thinking about how much I'd like to crawl under his covers with him. No, May, no, bad girl.

Right, well, I'm not going to wake him. I'll just write him a note. A quill, a quill – there has to be one somewhere in here.

I was shifting aside some textbooks when I heard, 'what are you doing?'

I turned to find that Sirius had propped himself up in bed and had probably been watching me for a little while.

'It's not what it looks like.'

'Isn't it? Well that's good, because it looks like you're riffling through my things.'

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Awesome, looks like my brain has failed me at yet another crucial moment. I pointed at the bowl of soup.

'Soup.' I said.

'Well done. That is soup.'

'It's leek and potato.'

'Boring.'

That's not very nice. But it was enough to restart my brain. 'I saw it and thought of you. Happy Birthday.'

'Why'd you bother?' Sirius asked, frowning.

Okay, here goes nothing. 'It's an olive branch. I came to apologise.'

'Apologise for what?'

'I thought that I'd left things a bit awkward on Monday.'

Sirius shrugged and coughed.

'You're giving new meaning to the phrase as sick as a dog.'

'You don't know what you're talking about.'

His attitude towards me was still cool, he was definitely pissed off about something. Let's try another angle. I picked up the bowl of soup and a spoon and sat on the side of his bed. He subtly shifted away from me.

'Want me to spoon feed you?' I asked cheekily, hoping to bring out his happy-go-lucky banter.

'I don't think your boyfriend would like that.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Are we back to talking about Rollo again, really?'

'May, the whole school saw that snog on the Marble Staircase. Don't sit here and play games with me, I'm not in the mood.'

'Okay. About that…' It was time to come clean, no more fibs. 'It was a mistake. I didn't want Charlotte to find out that I'd spent that day with you – because you know that she fancies you – did fancy you. I just did what I had to do to distract Rollo and to keep Charlotte from getting hurt. It was a terrible idea and I really wasn't thinking properly. I'm sorry you had to see it.' I was mumbling a bit but Sirius seemed to be listening.

Sirius yawned. 'Okay, sure. Apology accepted. Can you go now? I really need to get some sleep.'

'You don't need anything else?'

'No. You don't need to do anything. You're not my girlfriend.' He rolled over so I was talking to his back.

'Nobody is your girlfriend, Pup. Someone's gotta do the dirty work.' I knew I was overstepping my welcome now, but I couldn't leave while he was still Grumpy McGrumppants. 'Why is that? None of the girls at Hogwarts good enough for you?' I joked.

Sirius flopped back over to his back with a sigh. I could tell I was irritating him, but what else is new.

'They're all the same – they jump through hoops to try and impress me. Just like you're doing now.'

'What?'

Sirius looked up at me with a sneer. 'It's pathetic, I give you the tiniest bit of attention and you fawn all over me. You're just like the rest of them. I bet I could snap my fingers and you'd jump right into bed with me.'

I stood up, walked over to his trunk, and emptied the entire bowl of leek and potato soup all over his things. It went into boots, over books and through clothes. Nothing that a Siphoning Charm wont undo, but it'll take time. So much for apologies.

Sirius was out of bed in a flash and had withdrawn his wand. 'You better clean that up right now.'

'You think-' I was so livid that I had trouble getting the words out, 'you think you are so much better than the rest of your family just because you're in Gryffindor. But you still treat others as inferior and you judge people before you know them. You're just the same as the other Blacks! I hope you choke on your phlegm, arsehole!' I spat and slammed the door behind me.

* * *

I spent the rest of the week in a state of absolute rage – and nobody knew why. My humiliation kept me from telling Roland or Charlotte the cause of my anger and it seemed Sirius had kept quiet about it too. The end of the week could not have arrived soon enough.

We had one final Quidditch practise on Friday before our game on Saturday. In the changing rooms the Nimbus was waiting for me, shiny and new, but I opted to fly my Swiftstick instead. Ol' Swiftstick would never hurt me.

James looked at me in askance when I walked onto the pitch holding my ancient broomstick once again. I avoided his eyes. He can ask Sirius why; I'm not explaining it to him.

I hadn't realised before today how slow my old broomstick was. It had a wide turning circle, a delayed response to my demands, and a slight downward dip at the front – it obviously needed retuning. Was it always like this? Or had I just become accustomed to the newer Nimbus model. James kept throwing me looks throughout practise, but he knew better than to ask an incensed female why she's pissed.

So yeah, practise was frustrating. I could have done with a glass of firewhiskey after that one.

* * *

The morning before a Quidditch match at Hogwarts is usually highly entertaining. Between the insults hurled between houses and the hexes thrown when the Professors aren't looking, it's highly surprising that there's a full team fit to play by the time breakfast is over.

I kept my head down as I ate breakfast that morning, sure that any confrontation from Slytherin would push me over the edge in my already enraged state. James came and straddled the bench beside me waiting for me to look over at him. I didn't.

'Goddamn it May, why'd you have to go and have a row with Sirius right before an important match.'

I ignored him and carried on eating.

'Sirius told me it's still fine to use his Nimbus, he doesn't care.'

I shook my head. 'I don't need it.'

James ran his hands through his hair in annoyance. 'You're being stubborn. Just fly on the damn Nimbus and you can still be shirty with Sirius afterwards. You know it's the better broomstick by far.'

I took a deep breath and exhaled out through my nose. 'Okay, whatever. I'll fly on it. Happy?'

'Yeah.' James said simply. 'You should try it sometime.'

'Don't you get stroppy with me too.' I called as he strode off. Ugh, not surprising that James and Sirius are best mates. They are both too sassy for their own good - though I do know what they say about black pots and kettles.

* * *

Walking out on to a Quidditch pitch to a roaring crowd of teenagers is one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. It's a high like no other and I felt my bad mood from the week evaporate as a wide grin took over my face. The state-of-the-art Nimbus vibrated in my hands and I could have stroked it lovingly right there on the pitch, that's how much I liked this broomstick.

It was a clear but brisk November day and James shook hands with Slytherin Captain Martin Bulstrode with barely concealed animosity. Madam Hooch blew her whistle and threw the Quaffle up into the air, releasing the charmed Snitch and Bludgers at the same time.

One of the Bludgers went straight for James as soon as it was released, our other Beater Ethan got to it first and whacked it towards me, and then I smacked it straight at Slytherin Chaser Henry Blishwick. He immediately dropped the Quaffle, which was then caught by our Chaser Zoe Spinnet who lobbed it neatly through the right-hand goal hoop. We scored the first 10 points of the game and the scarlet segment of the crowd cheered.

Yes! I punched the air and then zoomed after a Bludger as it tailed our Seeker Logan Young around the pitch. I'd just sent it hurtling at Bulstrode at the same time that the Slytherin team scored their first 10 points.

The next 45 minutes of the game proceeded just the same. We scored, they scored – they scored, we scored. The points were climbing frustratingly even and I could see Slytherin were reducing to slyer and more devious tactics to get ahead. Elbowing us, deliberately colliding, even attempting to jinx us with wands hidden up sleeves. Madam Hooch caught many of the fouls, but not all, and I expected to walk away from this match pretty bruised up.

When Bulstrode kicked me in the side as he flew past, the Slytherin crowd roared in delight, so I sent the next Bludger to come my way straight at them in the crowd. Most of them ducked out the way, but one Slytherin student took the Bludger to the gut and doubled over.

A whistle sounded. 'FOUL!' Hooch called. 'Bumphing from Gryffindor Beater!'

James threw me a dirty look as Bulstrode flew forward to take the penalty shot. He scored.

We began to play again, James passed the Quaffle to our other Chaser - Owen, and he passed to Zoe. In the corner of my eye I noticed Regulus Black – the Slytherin Seeker – dive to where I could absolutely see the gold glimmer of a Snitch. I swooped into the path of a nearby Bludger and with a hearty whack! I sent it sailing to where Regulus was flying, but he swooped over it and secured the Snitch to deafening cheering from Slytherin.

We'd lost.

* * *

The feelings in the Gryffindor common room that weekend was at an all-time low. Slytherin students were sneering at us in the hallways and heckling the Gryffindor players – being the perfect definition of sore winners. And on top of all that, it was my birthday tomorrow but I had a detention with Sirius smack bang in the middle of the day. I hadn't spoken a word to the berk since our disagreement in his dormitory, nor he to me. And to be honest, I kind of missed our little back and forth repartee we had going - I really enjoyed his cheeky nature. But Black owed me an apology and there's no way I'm going to be the first one to say sorry this time. So if he wants to give me the silent treatment, I can easily return the favour.

On Sunday, at 2pm I waited outside Professor Twelvetree's office with my arms crossed. When I heard Sirius approaching, I chose not to acknowledge him and we waited in stiff silence for our Defence Professor to return from lunch.

When she did approach, she took in the sombre mood, noted the distance that Sirius and I stood apart, and grinned.

'Nasty breakup?' She joked. 'You'll have fun today.'

Sirius and I remained silent as we followed her into her office.

'Today, you'll be reorganising my bookshelf after that Niffler ran roughshod all over it.' Twelvetrees said, gesturing to the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf that ran the length of the wall behind her desk. Books were strewn in piles around the floor. 'I want them re-categorised in alphabetical order.'

I nodded, Sirius again stayed mute.

Twelvetrees considered us for a moment. 'I was going to stay and supervise you, but I can see now that that won't be necessary. I don't think you'll be doing much else in my absence. I'm locking you in and I'll return at 3.30 – you should be finished by then. Wands.' She requested and held out her hand.

It was dull work. Couple that with being in such close proximity to Black and the day was insufferable. I said nothing to him, he said nothing to me. If you were hoping that we'd be back to being chums by the end of the detention, then you're sorely mistaken. We each continued to ignore the presence of the other for the full 90 minutes that we were trapped in that room together. When we were finally released, we strode in opposite directions down the hallway.


	4. December 1977

**December 1977**

I never thought I'd actually miss being called Piglet. But I wouldn't tell Black that in a million gazillion years. Rather die by pain of Cruciatus Curse than have him know I perversely liked the nickname.

I realised that last month I was so caught up in my quarrel with Black that I'd completely forgotten to tell you about Roland. So, a week or so after I snogged him and sent my life into a tizzy, I pulled him somewhere quiet and said, _where's my money, bitch!_

Nah, jokes. I said, _I really think I just like you as a friend, Rollo, and I need some time to think things through._

And he was surprisingly okay with it. No dramatic blowouts like I experienced with Black. Just maturity and understanding.

Charlotte and Remus have spent the last few weeks getting to know each other and I have high hopes for them. But every now and then I see Remus look at her like it's painful and I wonder why. What's going through that boy's head?

In early December the temperatures dropped quite suddenly and it seemed there weren't enough fireplaces to keep this drafty castle above freezing point. I walked between classrooms with my hands cupped over my mouth, using my breath to keep the feeling in my fingers. That continued until a pair of quality woollen gloves appeared in my bag and nobody knew who they were from. Charlotte kept harping on about _Secret Admirers_ like we were in some poorly written teen fiction. Psssh. Imagine.

* * *

Defence Against the Dark Arts had taken a turn for the interesting. After a few weeks on the theoretic repelling of the Imperious Curse, we'd begun beginners Occlumency – defence against mind reading, basically. A skill Professor Twelvetrees said would help us in the looming battle against the dark forces. See, told you she was a Legilimens - I called it weeks ago.

"The students who are the most naturally astute will find this skill the easiest to master. The incantation is _Legilimens_ and it requires direct eye contact." Professor Twelvetrees told us as we paired up, the whole class sitting comically silent and eyeballing each other.

I partnered up with Remus as he attempted to read my thoughts. I repeatedly chanted _hurt Charlotte and it'll be the last thing you ever do_ within my head, though I don't think he picked up on anything at all.

When we swapped, it was my time to invade his mind. Remus looked seriously uncomfortable at the thought. So was I for that matter, did I want to see into the mind of a teenage boy? No thank-you.

The first two tries I got nothing but my own thoughts of _this is dumb,_ but on the third try I was overcome with a feeling of self-disgust that was so fierce I almost fell off my chair.

"What did you get?" Remus looked extremely troubled. Professor Twelvetrees wandered over, her expression curious.

"Ummm. A feeling of shame, I think. Have you done something naughty recently, Remus?" I joked but he didn't laugh.

Professor Twelvetrees patted Remus on the shoulder for a second and then turned to the class. "Okay, guys, that was a difficult lesson. You can all leave ten minutes early today."

The class packed up, delighted to start lunch a little earlier.

"May, come see me when everyone has left, please." Professor Twelvetrees spoke quietly to me.

I approached her desk a little apprehensive. Was her bookshelf organised to her liking or had I gotten my ABCs muddled?

"I've been in contact with my old supervisor in the MACUSA Auror department - William Fischer. With my recommendation, he will accept you into the Auror training program in New York."

"No. Way. That's amazing! Thank-you so much."

"Whoa, hold your winged horses, young lady. Your N.E.W.T. grades will have to be spectacular. To meet the standard required to train as an Auror at MACUSA, you'll require an Outstanding in Defence, and an Exceeds Expectations or greater in Potions, Charms, Transfiguration and Herbology. So if you're serious about this profession, you'll need to apply yourself from now on. No more skating through lessons on natural born talents."

"Of course!" I said, but balked a little at the thought of what would be required of me. Nothing but study every minute of the day.

Twelvetrees dismissed me with a wave of her hand, then when I was at the door, called out, "Oh, and May, don't tell anyone else about this arrangement, it would be considered favouritism by some students."

I grinned at her, "don't worry, nobody would believe me anyway."

After lunch it was Potions. With Twelvetrees" advice in my head, I'd planned to really knuckle down and make the best goddamned Polyjuice Potion in class.

Halfway through the lesson, Slughorn wandered by the table where I worked with Charlotte.

"Grace has told me of your plans to join MACUSA." Slughorn chuckled. Grace must be Twelvetrees" first name. "You're in for a tough road, my girl, not only do you need the topmost grades to qualify for the training, but the training itself is gruelling. They'll break you in, crush your spirit and then build you back up again," he claimed cheerfully. "But you have it in you to go far. Here, an exclusive invitation to my annual Christmas Party – you never know who you'll meet at one of my gatherings."

Charlotte looked flabbergasted as Slughorn trotted away. "You're going to America?!" She hissed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's classified information." I said in my best American accent. "Joking. I only found out an hour ago. And I have to do some serious swotting to make the cut. I don't even want to think about what my life will be like between now and exams."

"A life of running your parents" antique shop not good enough for May Proudfoot, then?" Charlotte sarcastically replied. "When will you break the news to them?"

"It'll have to be this Christmas, when we return for the holidays."

"They'll be proud of you."

"Hope so."

* * *

Following Potions, it was Ancient Runes and after class I told Professor Babbling of my plans to drop the class to focus on the subjects that would bring me closer to my chosen career. It looked like I would need every study period I could get to bring my grades up from A/Es to E/Os and I didn't want to waste time in a subject I didn't need or like.

I met Remus in the library for our weekly tutoring sessions and I told him there would be no more tutoring so I could focus on the subjects needed to be an Auror. He seemed pleased for me but there was something undoubtedly weary in his expression. I took a stab at what I thought the problem might be.

"Remus, I'm really sorry if I invaded your privacy – this morning, I mean, in Defence. I really had not expected to actually gain entrance into your mind." I apologised to him, chuckling a little with discomfort.

"No, no, it's fine. Really. It's just…" Remus sighed. "Did you see anything? Any memories?"

"No… just that feeling of… disappointment and shame."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief and I had the sudden feeling that his life is much more interesting than appearances suggested.

"I actually think you might have been the only student in class to make any progress in Legilimency," Remus said, looking fairly impressed. "You'll make an excellent Auror, I think. That's what Sirius wants to do too – well, I believe he is thinking more along the lines of a vigilante Auror than the official way of fighting dark wizards as a ministry employee."

"Can we not talk about him?" I mumbled.

"Of course," he tactfully replied.

* * *

I won't bother telling you how the first half of December went because it would bore you as much as it bored me. An endless cycle of school, homework, study, school, homework, study.

The weekend prior to the final week of school was _Sluggies Christmas Party_. I'd never attended any of his Slug Club meetings that I'd heard so much about and actually hadn't planned to start now. But after the last couple of weeks of the most angelically studious behaviour, I really needed to break loose for a couple of hours, get a little drunk – you know?

However, I was worried that Black would be there, since he gets invited to every Slug Club meeting just for being a Black (unfair, right?) And I did not want an awkward encounter with him because it would most likely result in more soup flinging.

But then James approached me in the common room and out of the blue told me that Sirius wouldn't be attending tonight – like he knew that that was just what I was thinking.

I approached Charlotte that afternoon, because who wants to go to a party alone?

"Char, wanna come as my plus one to Sluggies party tonight?"

"Aww, that's sweet, but I'm already taken."

I laughed, "so it's official then? Remus is your boyfriend? You have well and truly broken my heart, Charlotte Crossman."

* * *

Deciding what to wear that night was easy, because black is the only colour I can wear and not look ridiculous. The dress I'm wearing is actually a muggle style dress – long and fitted. I saw it as a kid on a poster of this brunette actress with a short fringe smoking a cigarette in a long holder. Do you know the one? I'm not really clued up on Muggle entertainment but I think her name was _Tiffany? Breakfast with Tiffany?_ Something like that. Anyway, I'm wearing a dress similar to that one and it's fitted – _eat too much and look pregnant_ fitted – you know?

Stepping into Slughorn's office was an entirely surreal experience – like I'd made a wrong turn off one of the moving staircases. The room was draped in sheer gold fabric and leafy vines crawled up the walls like they'd been growing for years. Tiny golden-leaved trees grew from the centre of the circular tables that were dotted around and in the middle of the room, a dance floor where one enthusiastic couple was swinging around. There was an open bar on my left where a cheery house-elf served every drink you could ever want. I helped myself to a glass of Firewhiskey – I'm going to absolutely watch how much I drink this time.

"You shine up nice, Piglet," came a voice from over my shoulder.

Sirius is here. I thought James said he wasn't coming. Maybe I will get drunk after all.

"Fuck you." I spat at him.

"Hey, don't threaten me with a good time," he threw back.

I turned away so he wouldn't see the amusement tugging at my lips. "Back to talking to me again, I see."

"Yeah, I was a bit of a dog that day. Sorry, I was out of line."

"So what's changed? You had obviously meant what you'd said at the time."

Sirius shrugged. "I was pissed off. You'd blown me off to snog some Hufflepuff in front of the whole school."

"And then I came to you, apologised and explained why, and in return you insulted me."

"Yes," Sirius hesitated, "because I didn't believe you. I had assumed that you were playing games with me to get a reaction out of the other guy."

"So, now you're satisfied that Rollo actually is a friend, just like I said."

"Yes. You didn't bring him as a date tonight, I see."

"I wasn't even planning on coming tonight. The only reason I'm here at all is because James said you wouldn't be." I felt irritated that James had seemingly betrayed me.

"Did he? Don't know why he'd say that." Sirius looked sheepish.

I sighed and looked him over. That boy sure looked classy in dress robes; elegant and properly fitted, obviously expensive and easily the best dressed guy here.

He caught me admiring him. Can't have that. "I'm still angry at you." I fired at him.

"I knew you would be."

I didn't reply and scanned the crowd for someone I knew. Someone who wasn't Black.

"I heard from Remus that you've dropped Ancient Runes."

"Yeah, gonna break it to my parents this Christmas that their only daughter doesn't want to take over the family business after all. All hell will break loose - it'll make the Legendary Battle of Nurmengard look like a playground tiff."

Sirius laughed. "Well, if they disown you that'll make two of us."

"That won't happen." I said and then spotted something quite unusual. "Are James and Lily here on a date? How on earth-" I trailed off, too stunned to complete the sentence.

Sirius grinned. "Lily received an invitation from Slughorn, she invited James."

"But she hates him."

"Nah. She's been warming to him for a while now. Now that his head is back in proportion with the rest of his body." Sirius chuckled.

Huh. "Seeing them makes me think anything is possible tonight."

"Oh, you better believe it, May," he said quietly, his eyes glinting as they roamed my face and lingered on my lips a fraction of a second too long.

I broke the moment by turning away and taking a deep gulp of Firewhiskey. He can't just sweet talk himself back into my good books. He owes me a good fortnight of grovelling, at least.

"Shall I get you another drink." Sirius took the empty glass from my hand and headed to the bar.

I felt a little antsy. Do I want to be here with Sirius after the way he's acted in recent weeks? I looked around for a friendly face but recognised no one. Although, standing nearby and looking equally uncomfortable, was a rather grizzled looking man – in his fifties, I think? Slughorn has obviously invited him to show him off to the students so he'll be someone influential, though I don't recognise his face. I smiled at him when he noticed me evaluating him.

"You know," he said as he wandered over, "this is my first time at Hogwarts."

"Really, where were you educated?" I asked. I didn't pick up on a foreign accent. He couldn't be a muggle would he? Surely Slughorn wouldn't-?

"I was home-schooled by my parents. We had a cabin in the wilds of Alladale. The current Headmaster at the time, Armando Dippet denied me an education at Hogwarts because of my condition."

Sirius returned with the drinks.

"What condition? Sorry. That was rude, and I haven't even introduced myself, I'm May and this is Sirius." I shook his hand.

"Jonny."

Jonny shook Sirius" hand too, but Sirius had gone very still, his eyes took in the man's rough appearance, the deep long scratches etched into his face and limbs.

"You said you have a condition? The kind of condition that affects you once a month?"

I was lost, but the man went rigid in response to Sirius' words.

"Look mate, it's fine." He spoke quietly. "A good friend of mine is in a similar position. He'd actually want to meet you. Mind if I grab him?"

I had a feeling I was no longer a part of the conversation, not that I understood what was going on anyway.

I wandered over to where I could see James and Lily chatting at a table, but as I approached he pulled her in for a kiss and I had a feeling I'd be unwelcome there too.

I turned around again and searched the rest of the party for someone I knew. I felt rather uncomfortable standing on my own and I found myself sipping from my whiskey more often than usual.

"May." A hand on my shoulder. It was Sirius.

"Sorry about that thing with Jonny. It's just really important that Remus meets him and… I really can't say why. I'm sorry, I really did want to spend the evening with you tonight."

You did? That was a surprise to me.

"It's fine." I shrugged. "I'm not bothered."

He shifted his hand from my shoulder and his fingers trailed up my neck and brushed aside my hair. The feather light movements sent a swarm of butterflies down to the deep pit of my belly.

"That dress really suits you, Piglet." He said before lowering his lips to my ear and saying, "makes me want to take it off you."

I stood there stunned as he gave me a casual salute and turned on his heel to leave.

I spent a good chunk of the next half an hour chatting to Twelvetrees about her experiences training to be an Auror at MACUSA, and absorbed any and all advice she had for me on the tests and trials.

Remus eventually turned up and he and Sirius spent almost the whole evening chatting to Jonny. Slughorn eventually joined them and I heard his booming voice over the music, "I thought you two would find much in common, dear boy!"

I wonder if Charlotte knew what that was about?

* * *

As it turned out, not only had Charlotte no clue as to why Remus had ditched her to attend Slughorn's party, but she was rather upset by it.

As she put it, they were curled up on the couch by the fireplace in Gryffindor common room, when Sirius burst through the portrait hole, made a beeline straight for Remus and bent down to whisper in his ear. With a short apology but no explanation at all to Charlotte, both boys had hurried back out the portrait hole.

When I returned from the party fairly early (let's just say I've been to better parties), I found Charlotte curled up on her bed and staring at the wall. Once she'd clued me in on her side and I'd revealed that Remus had gone to the party to talk to a man, she looked a little more relieved.

"I guess, in my mind I pictured him running off to meet a girl."

"That really does not sound like Remus." I snorted. I couldn't even imagine him having two girls on the go.

"So who was the bloke at the party?"

"Don't know." I shrugged. "Someone who was barred from attending Hogwarts because of a condition. I think you'll just have to ask Remus."

"I don't think he would tell me." Charlotte spoke slowly. "Now that I've gotten to know Remus, I find him very secretive. Not just a closed book, but a padlocked one. I don't think he will ever trust me enough to tell me what those secrets are."

I silently agreed but said instead, "you never know, Char, he might just take a little longer than others to open up."

Charlotte said nothing and continued to stare at the ceiling.

* * *

I honestly did not know where I stood with Sirius. Sometimes I thought he might fancy me - like when I was sucking on my quill tip and staring into the fire in the common room, then I looked up and caught him staring at me. Then other times I thought he didn't – like when he got really competitive in our Defence classes or refused to partner up with me for Occlumency lessons. Though everyone in class refused to pair up with me for Occlumency now, I had become rather accomplished at the skill and had gained access to some of my fellow classmates embarrassing thoughts and memories. They'll be useful next time I need to blackmail someone.

It had been a while since I've had any real fun, so on the Friday, final day of school for the year, I bewitched the baubles from the Christmas trees to follow people around the school and omit the faint tune of God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriff so that only they could hear it. It really did unhinge quite a number of students that day.

I think that's just about everything that happened in December. Oh, aside from that snog from Sirius on the Hogwarts Express at the beginning of the Christmas holidays, but you don't want to hear about that.

Oh, you do? Okay, well you should know that ladies never tell, but I've never considered myself a lady anyway.

It happened late in the afternoon, when we were not too far from London, Sirius pulled me into an empty compartment and tugged down the blind behind my head. He said, _I've wanted to do this for weeks_ and bent his face to mine.

Even as I tell you this now, years after it had happened, it's clear - like the memory has taken root in my very being. The clatter of the train on the rails, the flashing of the dying light on my eyelids, the feel of his soft lips on mine and his hands splayed across my neck and shoulder, holding me firm.

You must have an inkling of what is to come, for Sirius Black's story is not a happy one. When I returned to England in late 1981 after my three years of Auror training in America, I'd found things not as I'd left them. Far from it, in fact.

But now I'm jumping too far ahead in my story, forgive me.


	5. January 1978

**January 1978**

Mum has been driving me mental. Like proper mental. And I haven't even told her about my plans to become an Auror under MACUSA's training program yet.

It's January 3rd. I have two more days before I get on the Hogwarts express and return to Hogwarts for another six months. Two more days to break it to my parents that I'm not going down the nice safe path of running a family business and I've instead opted for the much nastier business of dark wizard catching. I… think they'll be fine with it, don't you?

Now it's January 4th and I have 12 hours left to break the news to the olds. I don't even know where to begin. Should I start with _I don't want to spend my life tinkering with ancient artefacts like you guys did,_ or the more striking _I want to fight baddies for a living?_

I decided to break it to them one at a time – that way they can't gang up on me.

"Mum, there's something I need to tell you." I said and brought her a cup of tea. It was early in the afternoon but the blizzard outside made it feel much later in the day.

"Oh, Merlin, please tell me you are not pregnant!" Mum held a hand to her forehead in distress.

"Rrrrrgghh! No Mum! Nothing like that. Is that what you think of me?"

"Well, you've looked rather peaky lately, that's all."

"No, I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you that I'm considering a different career path to the one you and Dad bring up all the time."

"Taking over the shop. Well, naturally you don't have to. It would have been nice, of course, to keep the business in the family…" here it comes, the dreaded guilt trip. "That way your father and I wouldn't have to worry about it so much in our old age. And then we don't have to bring a stranger in to manage it. If they ran the business into the ground then that's our retirement gone, you understand, don't you dear."

Mum patted me on the shoulder and made to get up as if that was the end of the conversation.

"Mum, you're not listening to me." I took a deep breath - I'd promised myself that this was going to be a civilised conversation, and that is exactly what it will be.

"My Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor tells me I have a natural aptitude for the subject. She's used her contacts at MACUSA to help me to potentially gain a spot in their Auror training program."

Mum laughed. "I never tire of your little jokes, May."

"It's not a joke. I want to be an Auror."

"Why don't you become a librarian? David!" She called to my dad in the kitchen, "wouldn't May be a great librarian?"

"You don't read, do you May? I've never seen it." Dad looked reluctantly impressed.

I rubbed my face. "Alright. I've told you what I want to do. Now in six months time when I leave for America, don't act all surprised, because you've both had plenty of warning."

"America?" Dad said. "You can be a perfectly good librarian here. You could even run the shop part time."

* * *

I'm annoyed at Sirius Black like usual. After the snog to end all snogs, I expected a bloody owl over the break at the very least, but no, nothing, nada, zilch – all holiday long. So fine. Want to play indifferent? I can play that game too.

On Platform 9 and 3/4s it was raw and windy. My hair ribbon flew off and became snagged on the wall clock as it struck 10.45am. Roland will already be on the train, Charlotte will be running late, but I'm not on the lookout for either of them. Instead I'm searching the crowd for the dark wavy hair of Sirius Black - so that once I find him I can ignore him.

"Oi, Piglet!"

I turned towards the train to where Sirius was leaning out a compartment window, his forearms resting the ledge. He beckoned me with a finger.

Ooh, if that boy thinks he can call and I'll come running then he's in for a rude awakening. I crossed my arms and turned away. A few seconds later, I looked back at him. He was leaning his chin in his palm and grinning lazily at me.

I felt my nostrils flare. Nope. Maybe I should go find Roland and sit with him, that'll teach Sirius. But I really, really did not want to do that. So like usual I gave in to temptation, meandered over to Sirius, and when I thought no one was looking, I held back my hair and stepped up on tippy toes to kiss him, one second, two seconds, and then I pulled away. His lips were surprisingly warm on a cold day like this.

* * *

On the train I found the compartment with Roland and surprisingly Charlotte too, that was unlike her to be early.

"Bloody cold weather," I muttered to hide my burning cheeks.

"The weather the culprit, is it?" Charlotte asked with an odd look on her face.

I looked at her curiously. Should I use my developing Legilimency to figure out what the deal is? Nah, I'll just ask her.

"What's that mean, Char?"

"It means," said Roland, who also looked a bit wound up, "that we just saw you. Just now, with Black."

"Oh."

"Yes, _oh_ ," said Charlotte.

"Well…" I didn't know what to say so I shrugged. "It was just in the spirit of Christmas - you know?"

"You're about two weeks too late, then."

"Does it bother you two, then?" I decided to get straight to the point. One friend once fancied Sirius, one friend once fancied me, there was no other way around it, best to nip it in the bud now.

"I guess that depends on what _it_ is" Roland muttered. If I knew Roland, and I do, he is much angrier than he's letting on.

"At this point, I don't know." I said honestly.

"So you're just his goodtime girl, then?"

"What is this, Rollo, the 50s? Can't you just call me a slut like a normal person."

Charlotte sniggered. "Does that mean that you've…?" She made a suggestive gesture with her hands.

"Merlin, no! First my mum, then you. Do I really look like a slutty librarian to you all?"

"Librarian?" Charlotte looked confused.

"Never mind," I muttered.

"I've seen the way that Black treats women, May, the way he looks down on them. You deserve better than that." Roland firmly stated.

In Sirius' defence, I don't think he looks down on women, I just think he's too busy playing the cliché rebel to pay females the attention they expect.

"He's not like that with me." But even as I said it, I remembered the Awful Soup Experience (I've given that day a name too).

Roland seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "Didn't you tell me that he used to call you Piggy?"

"Yeah, but that was only once or twice. He calls me Piglet now."

"May!" Roland groaned. "I thought you had self-respect?"

"I do!"

"So prove it! Stay away from him. That bloke is trouble." Roland stood, walked to the compartment door, mumbled something about Prefect duties and left.

I slumped in my seat and pushed my wayward hair out of my face. "Are you okay?" I asked Charlotte.

"Yeah, course. It was only ever a passing fancy with Sirius. I have Remus now – Ooh! We'll have to do double dates at Hogsmeade next month!"

"No, we don't. I'm not even sure that I want to date Sirius. He is much too irritating to ever advance to boyfriend status."

Charlotte shot me a knowing look. "Oh, okay. It's like that, is it?"

"It's like that," I confirmed.

* * *

I was just helping myself to a generous portion of the Welcoming Feast when a scrunched up piece of parchment landed in my roast potatoes. I went to unravel it thinking it must be from Sirius when Charlotte snatched it out of my hands.

"You don't want to open that."

"I don't?"

"Claire Lewis threw it. Probably has something nasty in it." Charlotte lobbed it into the crowded Hufflepuff table behind us.

"Why-?"

"Are you daft, girl? You really need to stop snogging boys in crowded places. Half the school saw that little display in oral duelling on the platform this morning. The other half have already found out through word of mouth."

"So, everyone thinks I'm a slag, is that what you're saying?" Though I actually found it funny that people thought I was interesting enough to gossip about.

"Yeah, pretty much. They'll forget about you in ten minutes though, start gossiping about another girl."

"Uggggh! Came the great yell of disgust from the table behind us. "Troll dung!" Someone had opened the present intended for me.

"Told you so." Charlotte sang.

I withdrew my wand, Claire has a nose that is much too straight and dainty. Time to do something about that.

"What are you going to do?" charlotte asked with a sparkle in her eye.

"Set an example for the rest of them." I leaned back until I could see Claire's back sitting further down the table and inwardly said the incantation for the Nose-expanding Curse. Not a noticeable curse at first, but every hour the victim's nose will grow just a fraction larger, a smidge more crooked and then finally sprout nose hair. This little beauty of a curse will continue to work until the nose eventually covers the entirety of the victim's face.

* * *

In the common room that night Charlotte and I flopped onto the couch. I wrapped my hands over my full belly and groaned.

"I think I'm getting fat. Fatter, I mean."

"Whatever, I bet you eat whatever you like and never gain a pound. I mean where does it all go?"

"Straight through me. I poo like a horse - in quality as well as quantity."

Charlotte laughed mid yawn. "I'm going to sleep early," she said and stood.

I yawned too. "Can you carry me? I'm too full to climb the stairs."

"Nope, you're on your own."

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," Sirius grinned as he sat next to me. He pointed to Claire whose nose had overtaken half her face and she and her friends were hysterically looking through textbooks for a cure.

I chuckled. "You're always on my bad side."

"Well, yeah, because you don't have a good side."

I threw a pillow at him. "I guess we're well suited then."

"I guess we are." Sirius stretched.

With Roland's words on my mind, I nonchalantly asked, "so what am I to you?"

"You're my Piglet." He ran his hand through his hair and looked at me in amusement.

"So _my_ as in the possessive _my_ as in _I belong to you?"_

"You can interpret that any way you choose, Piglet."

* * *

I was still muttering to myself as I crawled into bed that night.

"Damn Sirius won't commit, would bloody well go green if I so much as flirted with anyone else…"

Charlotte watched me with a smirk. We were the first to bed in the girls' dormitory that night, good girls that we are.

"What did you think would happen? That he'd declare his undying love for you? You know what he's like - _'too cool_ ' to have a girlfriend."

I snorted, "yeah, he basically told me he doesn't do girlfriends."

"Well," Charlotte began, "it's not like he's flirty around other girls - maybe he's like Remus and he needs time to reach to that point."

"Maybe," I muttered, though I doubted it. I think Sirius considered himself the eternal bachelor.

"I do think he really likes you though, May, I've never seen him like this with a girl."

I changed the subject. "Rollo still angry with me?"

Charlotte sighed. "Probably."

"I'm guessing you know why…? That you know he fancies me a little."

"A whole lot more than a little." Charlotte said with a knowing look. "It actually drove a wedge between us when we were still dating – not that you knew!" Charlotte replied when she saw the shock on my face. "So I wasn't upset with you."

"Then he's just being another jealous bloke."

"Nah, it's not just that." Charlotte rubbed her eyes sleepily. "He thinks Sirius is going to hurt you. Use you and lose you, you know-"

I opened my mouth to disagree.

"-you know what boys like him are like!" Charlotte spoke over me. "But you're a big girl, you know he's trouble - exciting trouble - but trouble nonetheless. I'll still be here for you when you've had enough of his bull."

"So you're saying that if I went for a classic _nice_ _guy_ , then Rollo would happily step aside?"

"Not happily per se, but he wouldn't be so aggressively against it like he is now."

* * *

There was something odd about the four Gryffindor boys – Sirius, Remus, Peter and James - too many secrets. That in itself wasn't too unusual - every teenager has them, but it was like they considered themselves a part of this secret club that nobody else even knew about.

Though I was curious about what they got up to, I wasn't about use my new found Legilimency skills to invade the privacy of my classmates for a potential gossip. Though to be honest, James, Remus and Sirius had all excelled in Occlumency and could keep me out of their head rather effectively.

However, Peter was different. He seemed to have the weakest mental wall of any of them, so even just eye contact with him was enough to learn hints of selfishness and dishonesty. It was unsettling actually. How aware of that quality were the other three?

We're still studying Occlumency in Defence and I have to say, that I am absolutely the best in the class at it. Professor Twelvetrees has begun to assign pairs because nobody wants to partner up with me to practise. Today's lesson was about to be the first time I'd partnered up with Sirius since our very first class on Patronus Charms.

Sirius dragged a chair round to face me. He leaned it back on the hind legs and waved a hand, "do your worst, Piglet."

I grinned in response, here was the opportunity I'd been searching for – a chance to find out what he really thought about me.

I thought, _Legilimens_ , and felt the magic guide me into his laughing grey eyes. But then I hit a wall and felt myself propelled out of his mind.

Sirius barked a laugh. "You're not the only one who's good at this."

"Alright, let's see you try and access my thoughts." I said smugly, sure that he wouldn't break through my own mental barrier.

"Nah, don't want to see the filth in your head."

"Because you can't do it, can you?"

"I can do whatever I like, Piglet." Sirius let his chair fall to all four legs, reached under the desk and trailed his fingers over my knee.

I moved my leg away. "Let's talk about Peter."

"Let's not." Sirius said, brow raised at the suggestion.

I didn't quite know how to broach the subject of Peter's crooked quirks. "You trust him?"

"Absolutely," he said coolly.

"He's not like you."

"Nobody is."

"You're not concerned that he would…" I didn't even know how to put into words what I was trying to say.

Sirius sighed heavily. I knew that bringing this up would anger him, but I didn't want to keep quiet when I felt so unsettled by the vibe I got from Peter.

"Look, never mind." I said and held up my hands. "It's not my business."

"Too right." He said and I felt a wave of displeasure stem from his mind. Interesting that he dropped his mental guard when cross.

I decided to put my doubts about Peter on the shelf until I had solid evidence that he was untrustworthy. If Sirius trusted him, then that would have to be good enough for me too.

As I exited the Defence classroom I tripped, taking the impact on my forearms and sprawling across the stone floor. At first I thought, clumsy me - tripping over my big feet once again. But I quickly realised that I'd been on the receiving end of a Tripping Jinx from a mousy-haired, plain-faced Slytherin. The kind of person you could walk past every day and not notice them. He had a rather sneer on his visage today though and was backed up by two other smaller Slytherin students.

"That's for the Bludger to the gut!" He snarled.

"What Bludger? Oh, at the Quidditch match - wasn't that about six weeks ago? Have you only just worked up the nerve to do something about it?"

He threw a fiery curse at me and I blocked it with a powerful Shield Charm, but I was still hit with the heat wave from the curse – whatever it was, it was nasty.

I was just about to retaliate when Sirius stepped in front of me.

"Hey, I can look after myself." I told him.

"Not saying you can't," Sirius replied, but refused to step aside.

The Slytherins sniggered. "You need a moment with your girlfriend, Black?"

"I can deal with them, Sirius!" I hissed.

"Just let me protect you, okay? For once, do as you're told."

Nope, I'm not going to stand here and let that egotistical bastard talk to me like that and call it chivalry. I ducked into a nearby passageway that ran up to the first floor, leaving him to finish that little skirmish all on his own. It was a funny little dark passageway with a really narrow set of circular stairs. I stormed up the stairs and heard footsteps running from behind.

"May!" Sirius called and caught my hand. I yanked it away, but waited with arms crossed for the apology he owed me.

"What's your problem?!" He lobbed at me.

"My problem is you. You keep me at arm's length, tell me I'm intruding on your business when I voice my doubts about one of your friends. Yet when you interfere with my business like just now, you expect a thank-you! You want to play the hero, find another girl."

I turned to leave but he barred me with his arm on the wall, his tall body filling the space in the stairway quite easily. I couldn't go back the way I'd came, the Slytherins were likely still out there.

"Quit running away on me. Piglet." He sighed, his face inches from mine. "There's no other girl for me."

"Then you need to let me fight my own battles, Pup." I said, but my breath caught when he leaned down to kiss me, pushing me firmly against the wall. It was easily as good as our first kiss - passionate, fiery...

I bit his lip hard.

"Ah!"

"You deserved that," I told him.

My hand moved under his shirt, as I trailed my fingers back and forth along his lower back. I felt his muscles move under my hand and his breathing was slightly erratic.

"Charms." I mumbled against his lips.

"Charms?"

"Yeah, we're supposed to be there right now."

"Are we?"

"Yeah…" I trailed off. I wasn't moving and neither was he.

Someone cleared their raspy throat. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

We both jumped apart, startled to find the irritable caretaker Mr Filch in the passageway entrance with his purring dusty grey kitten, Mrs Norris sitting at his feet. Mrs Norris looked like the cat that got the cream.

"Gryffindors, aren't ye? Well, come on then you two, let's see what McGonagall has to say about this." Filch waved us to towards the door we'd come through some fifteen minutes earlier.

Sirius breathed in my ear, "when I say ' _run'_ , you run, got it?" I gave a slight nod.

"Come on, come on, I haven't got all day!" Filch cried gleefully.

Using my body to shield his actions from Filch, Sirius slowly withdrew his wand and with a quick flick, Mrs Norris was pulled up into the air by her back paws. "Run!" Sirius hissed in my ear.

Filch roared and attempted to pull Mrs Norris down from her Levicorpus bind, but the cat was so distressed that she clawed at Filch whenever he tried to get close. I would tell you I felt bad for that cat, but I really don't.

We both ran back the other way, taking the stairs two at a time and then diving under the desk that held the tunnel back to the first floor. We could hear Filch following us, cursing and yelling.

Sirius rounded the corner and then suddenly stopped, which meant I flew into the back of him and we both nearly tumbled to the floor.

"What-?" I said, but then I suddenly saw why. Dumbledore stood before us in long silvery robes as he took us in with twinkling blue eyes.

A huffing and puffing Filch rounded the corner behind us. "Professor," he heaved, "they… the students… skiving… caught them… Mrs Norris…"

"I will take it from here, Argus," Dumbledore said and led us back down the hall in the direction of the howling Mrs Norris.

"Mister Black, would you please?" Dumbledore indicated to the distressed cat.

"Yes, sorry Professor," Sirius said and un-jinxed the cat.

Dumbledore began to walk down the hall. He paused and turned back to us, "follow me, then."

Sirius and I exchanged a look before quietly following the Headmaster to the second floor where his office was located.

Dumbledore gave the password _(wine gums)_ and led us up the spiral staircase and into a grand circular room. Sirius looked like he's visited the Headmaster's office several times before, but since it was my first, I spent a few seconds taking in the room. Tucked into nooks and crannies I saw humming instruments, bookshelves fat with texts, and portraits on the walls watching the proceedings with keen interest. I've never liked portraits, to be honest. I hate feeling like I'm being watched, even though I know they're not real people and it's just a clever Animation Charm.

Dumbledore sat at his desk and waited for an explanation. We both stayed silent.

"Well, you should be happy to hear that I won't be handing you over to Mr Filch for detention."

"Thank-you Professor," I sighed. Getting caught snogging was embarrassing enough without being punished for it.

"Instead you'll be doing detention for me." Dumbledore evaluated us both, looking rather amused. "You'll both be here on Saturday, at 9am sharp. Dress warm."

"But-" I began and was cut off when Sirius stepped on my toes.

"Yes, Professor," he spoke over me.

"Then you may go."

We both filtered out of Dumbledore's office. "But Quidditch!" I moaned. "Ravenclaw vs Hufflepuff. Why is it that when you're around I get twice the detentions?"

"This is just the life I lead, baby."

I rolled my eyes. "Detention with Dumbledore? I wonder what we'll be doing?" It was highly unusual for a Headmaster to issue detentions. "Dress warm?"

"Who cares. It'll be a sight better than a detention with Filch – we'd be suspended by our ankles in the dungeons, for sure."

"What a shame, that is exactly my fetish."

"Wouldn't surprise me." Sirius smirked.

* * *

What a loooonnnnggg first day back at school. That evening I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with two hot water bottles. But there was one last thing I needed to take care of first.

I found Roland in the library pouring over a textbook the size of a small table. He had his face propped up in his hands to keep himself from slumping forward with exhaustion.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey." He replied.

"Still my friend?" I asked.

"Course."

"Still unconditionally accepting of all my flaws and faults?"

"Every single one." Roland shook his head like he couldn't believe he was still saying it.

"Good. How is-" I looked at the title of the text book _"Unforgivable Curses and their Legal Implications_ going? Nice light reading material before bed?"

"It's a bore. But I need to know it inside and out if I want to be a youth representative for the Wizengamot when I leave Hogwarts."

"You are a good boy, Rollo." I patted him on the head.

But I knew the days of our platonic and uncomplicated friendship were behind us.

* * *

Third time's the charm. I met Sirius right outside the Headmaster's office for our _third_ detention together. We were both dressed for a day in the freezing cold as per Dumbledore's instructions.

"Who has yet to give us a detention this year?" I asked him. "Flitwick and Slughorn?"

"And Sprout." Sirius added. I saw him do a double take when he clocked the woollen gloves I'd received anonymously a few weeks before.

"Something you want to say?" I asked him, my keen eyes searched for nuances in his expression. I'd hoped the gloves had come from him – despite us not talking at the time I'd received them.

"Nope." He replied, face impassive as he knocked on the Headmaster's door.

"Ah, come in." Dumbledore called out. "A good day for a walk, don't you think?" He said as he added the finishing touches to a scroll he was signing. "This," he said as he passed over the scroll, "is special permission to leave the school this morning."

"It is?" I asked.

"It is." He replied. "You are to venture into Hogsmeade. At the far end of the village you'll find the Hog's Head Inn-"

"I know where it is," Sirius added.

Dumbledore inclined his head. "In there you will find a man waiting with a package. Collect it and bring it back here."

"Sir… Why can't he just owl it?" Sirius questioned, looking rather confused.

"Owls can be intercepted." Dumbledore explained.

"So, it's important then, the package?"

"Very."

* * *

I jumped into the fresh layer of snow, enjoying the satisfying crunch under my boots. While every other student was enjoying the Ravenclaw vs Hufflepuff Quidditch match, we were enjoying a most unlikely detention.

"We should get in trouble with Dumbledore more often." I sang as I skipped in circles around Sirius. He attempted to walk toward the gates with dignity but a well-aimed snowball at his back coaxed out his playful side. "This is the opposite of a punishment."

"Piglet. This is likely a risky mission we've been sent on and all you can think about is throwing snowballs." He returned a small compact snowball that I only just dodged.

"I doubt that it's actually risky," I said, rolling a fresh ball, "this is Dumbledore we're talking about. We've probably been sent on a wild-goose chase for his morning entertainment."

"You might want to turn around, May."

"Why? So you can nail me in the back, you sly-"

"Proudfoot! Black! Dare I ask where you two are going?" McGonagall's stern voice rang out from behind me.

"We have permission from Professor Dumbledore to go to Hogsmeade."

McGonagall's eyebrows shot up to her hairline as she took from my hands the letter that Dumbledore had signed just minutes earlier. She said nothing for a moment or two, I expected questions and resistance, but instead she handed it back and eyed us shrewdly. "Well, don't dawdle."

"I didn't expect her to believe us." I said to Sirius as we continued on our way.

"She's known Dumbledore longer than any of us, I'm sure nothing much surprises McGonagall when it comes to him."

"It'll be weird visiting Hogsmeade without the other students around," I mused. "No fighting for a table in the Three Broomsticks, no queues in Honeydukes…"

"It's pretty cool, actually." Sirius quipped, looking smug.

"You say that like you go all the time."

"I do." He replied, grinning widely, his clever grey eyes dancing with amusement.

I gently shoved him. "Sure you do, Pup. I'd have to be barking mad to believe that."

"You definitely are barking, in fact, I think it's time you upped your dosage, Piglet. It's great that you're out and socialising with normal people, but I really think they've released you too early."

"You and me both." I replied as he laughed. Why have I only recently noticed how attractive he is? He has certainly grown even more into his looks in the last six months and I've begun to feel like I'm punching above my weight here. How do I break past this matey banter and progress this thing we're doing? Will he only ever be this guy I occasionally snog? How would he react if I just reached out and held his hand? I wonder what it would feel like to walk around Hogsmeade holding Sirius' hand?

"A knut for your thoughts?" He was looking at me sideways as he tucked his hair behind an ear.

"Well, if you'd tried harder at Legilimency, you'd know for free," I replied. No way am I going to tell with him what was floating through my mind just now.

"Not gonna share it with me? You look like something's bothering you." Sirius left his hand lingering on my lower back. I shook my head.

When we reached the far end of Hogsmeade, Sirius drew his wand and walked a step ahead. His protective side was proper cute, even though it was broad daylight and I highly doubt You-know-who has popped into Madam Puddifoot's for a spot of tea and a covert Death Eater meeting.

When we first stepped into the Hog's Head, I was sure we'd gotten wrong place. It was the grottiest bar I have ever set foot in and I have set foot in some grotty bars. The wizened bartender scrutinised us as we walked in.

"I'll buy you a drink," Sirius muttered, "it would look odd otherwise."

"Of course," I nodded while thinking that two lone Hogwarts students in Hogsmeade looked odd anyway. Did I just hear a goat bleat? What kind of bar is this?

There were a few people around, including a rather warty witch who was flirting with a man so hairy that very little of his face was visible.

We sat at a table to ourselves and tried to look around at the patrons without being too obvious about it. But obviously we were being obvious about it because a stout man in a worn travelling cloak sank into a chair at the end of our table. I waited for him to lower his hood so we could see his face, but instead he pushed a poorly wrapped package towards us.

"Why in the eff did Dumbledore want this so bleedin' early? It's 9.30 for feck sake."

Sirius and I exchanged a weary glance. I'm not sure what kind of man I was expecting, but he wasn't it.

"What's in the parcel?" Sirius boldly asked.

"Something for the Order, I expect."

"The Order?" He pushed.

"Yeah, the Order of the Phoenix – the organisation." The man lit a pipe.

"Oh yeah, that Order, we're a part of it too." I bluffed. I tried to use a little under the table Legilimency, but all I got back was annoyance and haziness. Is he hungover?

"Really? Cos you lot look like students to me." Said between billows of orange smoke.

"If we were students, we'd be up at the castle right now, wouldn't we?" Sirius countered. I had to give it to him, he really was excellent at thinking on his feet.

The strange man leaned forward to see us better and it was the first time I got a good look at him.

"Wait, I know you!" I may have pointed an accusatory finger, not the best of ideas because the man was immediately on the defence.

"No you bleedin' well don't!"

"You come into Mum and Dad's shop all the time - they own Relics and Curios of Diagon Alley. You try to sell them stuff, though they know it's stolen. What's your name? Foster, Fledger…?"

"Shhh, keep your voice down!" The man peeked over his shoulder at where the bartender watched us closely. "It's Fletcher, Mundungus Fletcher. Well, Dumbledore did say he'd send someone to collect this parcel but he di'n' say it would be bleedin' students." He looked at us doubtfully.

"We have this, if you need proof." I pulled the scroll from my pocket with Dumbledore's signature on it.

* * *

Sirius held the package up to the light as we left, trying to figure out what could be inside without actually opening it.

"The Order of the Phoenix? An Order of what, exactly?" Sirius mused.

"Phoenixes, obviously."

"Thank-you for your intelligent contribution."

"You're welcome."

We walked slowly back through Hogsmeade, both a little stunned by the encounter with the crooked Fletcher. Seems like Dumbledore has friends in all sorts of places.

"Do you really think Hogsmeade is safe?" I asked Sirius, hoping to bring out his protective side again.

"Sure," he shrugged, waving at the little old witch tending her garden as we passed by.

"We're not going to get a bunch of Death Eaters swoop down on us?"

"We can take them." Sirius withdrew his wand and swung it around like a sword.

"Someone's confident."

"Someone has the skills to back it up."

I fell quiet for a minute. The constant joking around is great fun, but how do I do seriousness with Sirius?

"You know, you were the biggest influence in my decision to become an Auror." I told him. He looked a little proud.

"You'd be a great one, May." He placed a hand on my arm, but only briefly. I felt warmth at the point of contact.

"What will you do when you leave Hogwarts?" I asked. Probably living my dream of retiring at 18 years old with a fat bank vault.

"Something useful."

"Is that it? No plans, no goals?"

"Nah."

I would like to tell you that we went straight back to the castle with the important package. But we didn't. What we did do is visit Zonko's, stocked up on Fanged Frisbees, Exploding Snap, Belch Powder, Auto-answer Quills and the like, then stuffed them down socks, up sleeves and within shirts.

Back in the castle our footsteps echoed, the Quidditch match must still be in progress. I had a Fanged Frisbee tucked into my armpit.

"Ouch!" I cried as I dropped the Frisbee. "The little shit bit me!"

"Yeah, it's not called a Fanged Frisbee for shits and giggles."

"Yeah, I know but- hey! Where are you going?" I said as Sirius walked in the opposite direction of Dumbledore's office.

"We have to stash the goods, don't we? Can't just waltz up to Dumbledore's office laden with contraband."

"Oh, right."

"It's okay, Piglet. You can't be pretty and bright."

"That's not very nice. I think you should go to your room and think about what you've said."

"Oh, I will." Sirius winked at me, the cheeky sod, then laughed and said, "another blush! I think I've cracked the code."

"Don't know what you're talking about." I willed my cheeks to return to normal.

"Don't you, Piglet?" He asked and slowly leaned in, as if to kiss me again, but instead reached behind my head to slide aside a large portrait depicting a sobbing woman. Behind the painting was a hole in the wall big enough to stash a few smuggled goods.

Sirius grinned at my disappointed expression but still took a hold of my chin, raised it until my eyes met his laughing grey ones and he lowered his lips onto mine, kissing them until they melted. When I tried to pull him closer to me, he pulled my scarf up over my eyes and said with a smirk, "time to go, Piglet."

Dumbledore looked pleased when we passed over the package and we were rather astounded when he proceeded to unwrap it right in front of us – I'd assumed it was something top secret. Sirius and I lingered, curious about what could be inside the package.

From inside the poorly wrapped parcel Dumbledore pulled out a bright red bag of muggle sweets. Wine gums to be precise.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "Would you like one?"

We gaped at him for a second and then hesitantly helped ourselves to the sweets. A bit boring compared to wizard lollies, but pleasant enough.

As soon as we departed Dumbledore's office, Sirius had begun to chuckle, and by the time we reached the bottom of the stairs we were both clutching at the walls bent over in hysterical laughter.

"What the hell? Did Dumbledore send us on an out of school excursion to get him sweets as a detention?" I squeezed out between giggles.

"Yeah, I think so." Sirius replied as he caught his breath. "What a nutter."

* * *

James joined Charlotte and I at the dinner table that evening and spent the evening spouting Quidditch strategies at a rapid pace.

"Hufflepuff won today, which is not surprising because they have a strong team this year." James said between mouthfuls of chicken. "But we HAVE to win our match against Hufflepuff next month and then if Slytherin loses to Ravenclaw in March, and to Hufflepuff in April, then we will have a decent chance at the cup in May."

"That's a long shot." I mumbled.

"Oh, ye of little faith." James said as Remus, Sirius and Peter sat opposite us.

"Padfoot, mate, ever heard of an organisation called the Order of the Phoenix?" Sirius asked as he gnawed on his chicken leg.

"Nah, don't think so." James scratched at his chin thoughtfully. Sirius looked to Remus who shook his head and then finally at Peter who also shrugged.

Sirius sighed, disappointed. "During our bizarre detention for Dumbledore today, we met a bloke who claimed to be in this organisation called The Order of the Phoenix. I thought one of you might know what it is."

"Probably Dumbledore's knitting circle." James chuckled.

And Peter piped up with, "Slughorn might know."

"Actually Peter, that is brilliant. I didn't think you had it in you." Sirius looked a little impressed and Peter's nose twitched with pride.

Remus snorted, though he looked a little under the weather again. "That means you'd actually have to go to one of his club meetings and schmooze the information out of him."

"I can do that." Sirius claimed. "I happen to be very charming, right May?"

I rolled my eyes.

* * *

Sirius woke me from my slumber in the Common Room by dumping all the Zonkos contraband in my lap.

"While you've been lazing in front of the fireplace all evening, I've been gathering secret intelligence." He told me, lounging across the armchair opposite and stretching out his long legs.

I yawned loudly. "I'm a mammal. I'm biologically inclined to laze."

"Aren't you curious about what I've been up to?" His grey eyes sparkled impishly.

"No."

"Course you are. I've discovered a fair bit about the Order of the Phoenix."

He waited for me to ask him about it but I stubbornly refused. After a few seconds of silence, I kicked his knee.

"Okay, okay. Tell me all about it."

"The Order of the Phoenix is…" Sirius paused for dramatic effect, "a secret society founded by Dumbledore to oppose Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

"You said You-know-who's name." I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, so?"

"So, nobody says his name."

Sirius shrugged. "Dumbledore does."

"Dumbledore does lots of crazy stuff. Doesn't mean you should copy him."

"That's beside the point. I'm going to ask Dumbledore if I can join the Order of the Phoenix."

"You're not going to be much use while you're still in school, Pup."

Sirius looked disappointed with me. "You sound like Remus."

"Don't be so precious." I told him. "I'm just being realistic."

"Sure." He coolly responded and made to get up.

"Quit running away on me, Pup." I told him, an echo of a previous conversation, but the arrogant git ignored me. Instead I called out to his back, "do you think that was Dumbledore's plan all along?"

I sensed his canine ears perk up at my question. "What nonsense are you spouting now, Piglet?" He walked back to me.

"I think - and this is going to sound nuts, but hear me out - I think Dumbledore sent us to find Mundungus Fletcher because he knew that the careless twit would drop the name and that you, curious and intelligent, would somehow work out what the Order of the Phoenix was and want to join. Dumbledore wants you in the Order."

Sirius mulled over my words for a second before saying, "that sounds pretty farfetched, Piglet - even by your standards."

"Yeah, but this is Dumbledore we're talking about here."

"True."

* * *

Roland, Charlotte and I spent Sunday afternoon in the courtyard, watching the younger students have snowball fights. To keep our hands warm, I'd set fire to some scrap parchment - much to Roland's annoyance, though much of what I did these days seemed to annoy Roland.

Charlotte had been quiet the last couple of days but each time we asked her what was wrong, she'd repeat that she was fine.

I had to resort to a little underhand Legilimency to get to the bottom of it. It was for her own good, I swear. From it I gained a snippet of a conversation between her and Remus - of he not making eye contact, avoiding her, evading her well-meaning questions.

"May! Get out of my head!" Charlotte yelled as she jumped to her feet. A few nearby students watched us curiously.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Char, but you've been acting weird and I was concerned. Why didn't you tell us about Remus?"

"Because, because it's…" Charlotte heaved a sigh and sunk down onto the courtyard bench, lowing her face into hands. Roland threw me a dirty look as he comforted her.

"You think Remus has been strange lately?" I asked, wording her thoughts.

She raised her face, her eyes sad but dry. "Last night, he told me his mother is very sick and he needed to visit her. But he wouldn't look me in the eye when he said it."

"So you think he was making it up?"

"It's not the first time. But it's not just the… untruths that are bothering me. I think he's pulling away from me emotionally. I think we're close to breaking up and I don't know how to stop it."

* * *

I spent that afternoon trying to catch up on homework in the Common Room while everyone was outside enjoying the clear and snowy Sunday, but my thoughts kept returning to Remus. He liked Charlotte, obviously he did, but I could also see the walls he put up when she drew too near. Was it a lack of self-esteem that kept him from letting her in? Or something else entirely? I couldn't make heads nor tails of the situation.

When I'd exhausted myself trying to puzzle out Remus' actions, I turned my mind to Roland. He was so bothered by my fling with Sirius that it was affecting our friendship. I briefly considered getting both boys in a room together so they could both put this animosity behind them. But I knew that was a terrible idea, they were like chalk and cheese – as opposite as two people could possibly be. Sirius and Roland would never get along.

And if you thought I had enough headaches right there, I have one more for you. I think I'm falling for Sirius Black.

I mean, when I'm with him, I actually cannot stop smiling, I grin until my cheeks hurt with it. I love to be near him, to find an excuse to rest a hand on his arm, to make him laugh. And if you think that falling in love is a rather nice problem to have, then allow me to elaborate, because this can only mean very, very bad things.

All week, I've been dreaming about falling off the Nimbus during an important Quidditch match and it doesn't take a gifted seer to interpret what that means. Sirius Black is heartbreak personified. I've seen it happen time and again, girls become infatuated only to see him lose interest, as he always does. Each time it happened I thought, _silly girl – you should have known better, you only have yourself to blame_ , but now here I am, as silly as any other girl who thought she could make an honest man out of Sirius _Bloody_ Black.


	6. February 1978

**February 1978**

Flying in February is never fun.

The bitter wind bites until you can't feel the broomstick beneath your numb fingers. The snow swirls around your face until you don't know which way is up. You can barely hear the Quidditch commentary over the howl of the wind.

I could barely make out the golden robes of the Hufflepuff team and the deep scarlet of the other Gryffindor players, but even so, I knew exactly what I was doing when I sent a Bludger straight at the red robed Gryffindor with long dark hair.

However, I think I need to rewind my story to the beginning of February. Or you'll never understand why I whacked a Bludger at my own teammate.

* * *

February 1st was a Friday and Sirius had spent most of the evening reading a novel in the Common Room. Yes, you did read that correctly, Sirius was _reading a novel_. I'd been watching him from the other side of the room for most of the evening as he lay almost upside-down on the scarlet grand chaise we had by the fireplace. He had one leg crossed over the other, his arm propping up his head and the endearing habit of frequently pushing his hair out of his face only for it to flop back again.

Eventually, curiosity got the better of me.

"Whatcha reading?" I sat on the arm rest and leaned over to get a better look at the cover.

Sirius moved his hand to display the title, _Azkaban: life on the inside – a memoir by Carlotta Pinkstone_

"Any good?"

"It's very good, though I hesitate to call it great."

"Why'd you want to read a memoir about Azkaban?" Interesting subject choice for a mischievous teenage boy.

"Zoe recommended it. She's a descendant of Pinkstone."

"Zoe Spinnet? 6th year Chaser for our Quidditch team?" The only Zoe in school – but I had to make sure.

"Yeah." Sirius said distractedly, absorbed in reading.

I didn't even know Sirius and Zoe were friends, she being in the year below us. I mean, I'd consider her a friend, but that's because we play Quidditch together. How would Sirius know her?

"That was good of her." But said it like it really wasn't.

"Yeah." Sirius said again, obviously wanting me to stop bugging him so he could read in peace, but I ignored that and continued with my relentless questioning. I do that a lot.

"Why?"

"Why what, May?" Sirius finally put down the book, looking irritated. "Why would she lend me her book? To be friendly, perhaps? Because we share a common interest?"

"You and Zoe share common interests?" I asked. I hadn't even seen them together, were they meeting in secret?

"What of it?" Sirius snapped.

"Nothing." I sulked.

I liked Zoe. We'd been playing Quidditch together since she joined the Gryffindor team in her 4th year. She was a brilliant Chaser, willowy and lithe – perfect for a position where dexterity is key to dodge Bludgers and opposing players. And I got along well with her – well, as well as two students from different years can get along.

Zoe was admired by her peers too, being friendly and bright, but males especially were drawn to her long dark hair, her arched eyebrows, her full lips… I got the allure, really I did, because I had a bit of a girl crush on her as well.

But Sirius' attention to her didn't sit well with me. Sirius, who decreed all females to be a nuisance, who had a complicated relationship with him mother for most of his life (he has mummy issues, I'm sure of it) and I just found the whole thing rather out of character.

I tried to shrug it off. Because, believe me, I know just as well as anyone that clinginess is the fastest way to drive away boys like Sirius Black. But whenever they were both in the common room I couldn't prevent my eyes being drawn to them. Do they watch each other across the room? Does she flirt with him when she asks to borrow a quill? Are they meeting up for secret snogs down dark hallways?

But no. None of that. In fact, I never saw them interact. I was on the verge of letting the whole thing go, bored to bits with my petty behaviour, when one day I did seem them together.

They were sitting on the window seat in the Gryffindor Common Room, the exact same seat I slept off the effects of too much Firewhiskey back on Hallowe'en. They were chatting and laughing, but she wasn't flirting with him, so she gets a gold star for that. They seem to get on, at any rate, the same way Sirius and I get on – except with us there's sarcasm and teasing, we get on each other's nerves, and have little rows.

They just get on.

* * *

Friday afternoons mean study periods with Roland in the library, a necessity for going over our Transfiguration lessons from the week. It's the only class that I'm concerned about getting the necessary grade for my Auror training. I swear, McGonagall is making the subject difficult to grasp on purpose.

"Can you explain this again? I don't understand why human to arthropod transfiguration has to be so much more complicated than any other transfiguration we've studied so far." I groaned, trying to read the multitude of fine print in my Advanced Transfiguration textbook.

"Because the biological makeup of the arthropod kingdom is so dissimilar to our own. The exoskeleton, the segmented body, the extra limbs, not to mention the respiratory system all mean that the transfiguration isn't just skin deep - unlike when we studied human to other mammal transfiguration at the beginning of the year."

I was about to reply _but who wants to transfigure into a bloody spider_ when something else caught my attention. Zoe and Sirius were in the library together. I could just about see them from where we sat - chatting, friendly, not too touchy feely, not too flirty. Sirius smiled at me when our eyes met but I looked away, embarrassed to find myself so troubled by their friendship.

Roland, noticing the gesture, asked in neutral tones, "how are things with Black?"

"Good." I lied.

"Right." He replied, too clever to believe me.

Actually, maybe a male perspective would be a good thing. "Do you think there's anything going on between them?" I asked, nodding slightly to where Sirius and Zoe stood between the book shelves, both leaning over a textbook that Sirius held.

Roland stood up moved towards where they stood. I panicked a little, sure that Roland was just about to go and ask them directly if they're getting up to any hanky-panky between the library shelves, but he soon returned after grabbing a book from a nearby rack.

"I don't think so…" he spoke slowly. "The conversation's not flirtatious, but he called her Ducati – a nickname, I think?"

A nickname? But I'm the girl that Sirius gave a nickname. And what does Ducati mean?

Roland grimaced and I could only guess at how devastated I looked. I tried to rearrange my face.

"You really think the guy's worth it, May?"

I sighed. "I don't know."

I had a fitful sleep that night, one dream merged into the next and I woke often. Then I woke at an ungodly hour and began to worry about every little thing, my brain buzzing about N.E.W.T.s, Auror entrance exams, Sirius, Charlotte's rocky love life, my friendship with Roland… Anything that could possibly be worried about, was worried about – I left no stone unturned there.

Then around dawn I fell into a deeper sleep than I'd had for a while and woke up on Saturday feeling profoundly disorientated. Like, who am I? What is this life? As though in the night I'd forgotten that I ever existed.

The dormitory was empty aside from Charlotte, still asleep. The bad news is that I slept in and missed breakfast. The good news is that I'm just in time for lunch. I straightened my winter pyjamas in the mirror and decided I couldn't be arsed getting changed.

I sat at Gryffindor table and bit into the crispest apple I'd had in a while.

"What are you wearing?" Lily asked, as she took the bench next to me.

I looked down at my PJs with the cat faces printed on them. "My Jammies." I replied, as in _obviously_.

"Jammies," she laughed. "I didn't think anyone over the age of six still said that. You can't stay in your pyjamas all day."

"Sure I can, there is literally nobody policing this." I muffled through a mouthful of apple.

"I'm policing it. It's my new Head Girl privilege."

"What about policing the Head Boy," I grinned, nodding to where James was sitting in Dumbledore's elaborate chair at the empty teachers' bench with his feet propped up on the table. Sirius and Peter sat beside him, Remus was still absent.

When Lily clocked him a funny expression crossed her face. Annoyance, amusement and affection, all at once.

"When did it happen – you and James?" I asked, referring to their budding relationship. I was curious about how the two of them reached this point. Not only had she seemingly hated him for most of our time here, but James was utterly devoted to her. How could I get Sirius to like me that way?

"I'm not quite sure." She mumbled, a little embarrassed.

Roland sat opposite me at the Gryffindor table dressed casually in jeans and a black T-shirt. He always looked quite different out of uniform – more casual and approachable.

"You had some post arrive this morning. I saved it for you." He said, warmth in his eyes - a stark contrast from last month. Perhaps he's happy I've hit a wee rough patch with Sirius.

"Oh, thanks," I said as I absentmindedly popped open the seal on the scroll.

"Nice PJs," Roland complemented with a smirk.

"Wanna to swap? They'd suit you."

"Nah, I'm good." He said as he laughed deeply.

Lily was looking at us with a small smile – a knowing smile – and I quickly looked down at the letter in my hands.

 _January 25_ _th_ _1978_

 _Miss May Proudfoot_

 _Gryffindor House_

 _Hogwarts Castle_

 _Dear May Proudfoot_

 _I am pleased to inform you that the MACUSA Auror Department has received a recommendation that you be admitted to the Auror training program for the 1978 academic year beginning September 12_ _th_ _. If your N.E.W.T. grades are consistent with our requirements; you will soon receive a formal letter of admission for use with American Immigration…._

I read and reread the letter. It's actually happening. It's really truly happening.

"What do you think, May?" Roland interrupted my thoughts.

"What do I think about what?" I muttered, distracted.

"Joining me in Hogsmeade tomorrow? Charlotte's going with Remus."

"Oh, yeah, Hogsmeade. Sure, sounds good - but first, listen to this: _Dear May_ – that's me," I said pointing to myself, as if Lily and Roland hadn't spent the last six years in school with me. " _I am pleased to inform you that the MACUSA Auror Department has received a recommendation that you be admitted to the Auror training program…"_ I grinned ear to ear.

"May, that is excellent! Well done." Lily said, happy for me.

"You want to be an Auror?" Roland looked stupefied.

"Yeah, did I not mention it?"

"No. You didn't."

He's right. I told Charlotte and Sirius – and even my parents. But I didn't tell him.

I shrugged. "Sorry, must've forgotten."

Roland looked like he was about to berate me for forgetting. Or caution me against picking such a dangerous career. But instead his expression softened and he said, "Congrats, I'm pleased for you, May." He chinked his glass of pumpkin juice against mine.

"Thanks!" I laughed, exhilarated to be able to see the path my life was about to take. Three years in America is the most exciting thing to ever happen to me.

As Roland read the letter, I caught sight of the shadow on Sirius' face as he watched us interact from the teachers' table.

We had Quidditch practise that afternoon but I saw it as another chance to chance to subtly probe Zoe about her closeness with Sirius. And find out more about that nickname, Ducati. I was actually quite distracted throughout practise and took a couple of Quaffles to the back of the head because I was so preoccupied with thinking about the conversation I was about to have with her after. James spent ten minutes giving me a stern telling off about remaining focussed before sending me off the pitch feeling like a naughty child.

In the changing room, I nonchalantly placed my gear next to Zoe so I could interrogate her more easily. I mean not _interrogate_ , that's the wrong word, I just mean to question her about every interaction she's ever had with Sirius. Just to get a feel of the situation, you know? Perfectly normal girl behaviour.

She had spent the practice showing off her new Starsweeper IV model broomstick and I thought that was an excellent place to start.

"Nice broom," I said. "Birthday present?"

"Yeah. It was a coming-of-age present from my parents – I turned seventeen last month." She grinned at me proudly.

"Good choice. I should have asked for that, instead I got my dribbling, howling cat Nigel." I laughed.

"Well, you already have a modern broomstick," Zoe said, looking enviously at the Nimbus 1001 leaning up against the wall.

"Ah, not mine. Sirius lent it to me."

"Oh," she paused. "Why'd he do that?"

"Probably because I was flying on the oldest broomstick in the whole school and he didn't want to see Gryffindor lose the cup over it." Though, secretly I thought there was more to it than that.

Zoe said something under her breath and in the commotion of the changing room I missed it.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that." I told her, cupping my hand around my ear.

"Doesn't matter." She shook her head.

Alright, here goes nothing. "So, you and Sirius are getting along well these days."

"Yeah." She said softly with a small, almost secret smile.

"He really enjoyed the book you lent him."

She nodded but remained tight lipped. Maybe there really was nothing for her to say. Our teammates had all departed. It was just us now, our words bouncing around the empty room.

"Interesting nickname he has for you."

"Ducati? My uncle – you know I live with my uncle, right? He owns a Ducati 750 SuperSport – a motorcycle. Sirius asked if he could give it a test ride this summer."

Ah. So that's what that was about. Sirius just liked her because she had a fancy motorbike in the family.

I got up to leave feeling like a weight had fallen off my shoulders. All right, I'm going to enjoy the rest of Saturday before it disappears on me. Wonder what Charlotte's up to this afternoon? She would think it hilarious that I got myself worked up over nothing. Jealous over a 6th year. Hah.

I was halfway out the door when the words floated over to me, "he's going to get bored with you sooner or later."

I froze, sure that the words were a figment of my imagination. When I turned back to Zoe, her expression was serene, her posture relaxed.

"He hasn't even made you his girlfriend, has he? He's just keeping his options open until someone more exciting comes along." She turned her back on me but our eyes met through the mirror.

For once in my life, I didn't have a response. She was saying exactly what I told myself when insomnia found me at three in the morning.

"You know it's true." Zoe's words cut again.

My fingers twitched towards my wand, but to duel with my own teammate now would be stupid - we have to play a very important Quidditch match against Hufflepuff together later this month and James would destroy me if I created discord on the team – he'd probably kick me off for good. Not to mention how distasteful Sirius would find it if he thought I was picking jealous fights.

"You're right, Sirius is up for the taking - I have no claim on him." I said and held out my hand, "may the best woman win."

Zoe gave me a small but victorious smile, then shook my hand.

What else could I do?

* * *

Sunday birthed a cold snap and an eagerly anticipated Hogsmeade visit.

As soon as we reached Hogsmeade, Roland and I made a beeline straight for the Three Broomsticks. As we waited at the bar for the young Rosmerta to pour our Butterbeers, I glanced around the crowded pub. A couple of 6th year Hufflepuff girls were admiring Roland from a nearby table. Has it always been like this? Maybe I'm only just noticing how much female attention he gets.

I looked up at Roland's face as he chatted amicably to the barmaid about her plans to someday own the Three Broomsticks. He's always had an attractive face, but I remember him as being on the scrawny side for most of our adolescence. When did he fill out? When did the girls start fancying him?

It was while I stared up at Roland that I felt familiar arms wrap around my middle as someone pressed against me from behind.

"You looked cold." I heard a smile in the faintly raspy voice and I didn't need to look at the expression of displeasure on Roland's face to know that Sirius was standing behind me. "Here, my jacket's heat enchanted." Sirius said and shrugged off his leather, throwing it around my shoulders. He grinned, "leather suits you, Piglet."

Sirius was wearing a long sleeved and fitted black T-shirt and I was suddenly overwhelmed by his proximity and the scent emanating from his leather jacket. Through my hazy thoughts I was aware that Sirius was marking his territory and I'm sure Roland that had interpreted his actions the same as I, judging by the way my friend was silently seething.

"So, you tell May she's not your girlfriend, but when she's with me you decide to get possessive." Roland looked fed up on my behalf.

"I'm not being possessive." Sirius bristled at the suggestion and turned to me. "You can do as you like, Piglet."

"I can do as I like and you wouldn't care?" I asked, a little hurt that after all this time he didn't feel the need to claim me, though I knew from experience that his words and his actions often said different things.

Sirius shrugged and Roland looked like he was about to tell him to piss off. I pulled Sirius away to a quieter corner of the pub. Roland looked betrayed so I told him I'd be back in a second.

I lowered my voice and braced myself for the conversation to follow. "Don't you care about me at all?" I asked, my voice breaking a little on the last word.

"I didn't say that." Sirius quickly stated.

"So what am I to you? If I'm not your girlfriend?"

"Are we really going to have this conversation again?" Sirius said, looking bored.

"No we're not."

I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't. Roland was right. Where was my self-respect? Why would I want to be with someone who didn't care whether I was at their side or not?

"Come hang out with me. James is with Lily today and I could do with a good laugh." He had his trademark grin in place but I couldn't return it.

"No thank-you." I coolly replied and returned his jacket to him. "I'm spending the day with Roland."

"Why?" Sirius asked, looking greatly displeased.

"Why? Because he's my friend. And he asked me to. I'm not going to ditch him just because you've decided last minute that you want to spend Hogsmeade with me."

We stared at each other for a long second.

"Okay." Sirius shrugged, swinging an arm through his jacket sleeve. "Come find me when you get bored of Mister Stick-up-his-arse."

I watched him leave, not at all sorry to see him go.

When I returned to the bar, Roland had left. Rosmerta pointed to the courtyard, "he's out there, love."

In the courtyard I found Roland in a deep embrace with Charlotte and I halted, wondering if I'd walked in on something private and feeling a little sick about it. But I soon saw Charlotte's trembling shoulders and quiet sobs.

"What's happened?" I asked, heart in throat.

When Charlotte didn't respond, Roland spoke. "Remus has broken things off with her."

"Aw, Charlotte." I wrapped my arms around her too, so we were all standing in an awkward three-way hug.

"He said I'm too good for him." Charlotte mumbled into Roland's shoulder.

I exchanged baffled look with Roland as we separated.

"If it makes you feel better," I grimaced, "Sirius and I are heading in the same direction."

Roland jerked a little.

Charlotte sniffed, "It really doesn't."

"Look at us, a couple of hopeless mopes," I said to lighten the mood. "Roland's the only one with enough sense not to get involved with the opposite sex." But as I said it, I realised with a guilty start that the reason he doesn't have a girlfriend might be his feelings for me.

Roland gave me an odd look and then said, "come on, you two. There are Butterbeers to be drunk and Honeydukes chocolate to be eaten."

The day was a strange one. Roland and I spent it trying to cheer Charlotte up and make her laugh, but all the while I was hyperaware of Roland. As we gravitated around each other like celestial bodies, I wished that our day in Hogsmeade had just remained us two.

* * *

"You wouldn't think it, but there is a storm coming." Roland told me as we lay on the grass at the edge of the lake. The day was unseasonably warm, the sun on my face a welcome caress as I lay with my head on Roland's stomach, his core surprisingly firm for such a studious boy. Roland was reading the Sunday edition of the Daily Prophet as his fingers trailed absentmindedly through my hair.

It's been a week since Hogsmeade and it has been as strange as a warm day in February. Sirius' behaviour towards me since our exchange has remained unchanged. As in, _do what you like, I don't care,_ unchanged. We still banter through our classes, flirting and laughing – though nothing more – we haven't been alone together since Dumbledore's detention last month. Zoe is often in his presence, demanding his attention, standing closer to him than one would deem appropriate, but I've decided to take the same attitude with Sirius – _do what you like, I don't care._

More than once I've wondered if my fling with Sirius is keeping me from being with someone who treats me better. Someone who's warm and caring. Someone like Roland. I sighed and reached my hand over to take his when it was obstructed by the cool moist snout of a rather large black dog.

"Whoa!" I sat up suddenly and found myself inches away from two rather intelligent grey eyes. The dog licked my fingers and let me scratch under his chin but when Roland reached over, the dog let loose a warning snap. He was a rugged joyful thing, that dog. I couldn't help but giggle when he ran energetic laps around where I sat. "Who's dog is this? I've never seen him before?" I asked. Roland followed up with a shrug.

Something about the dog's bright grey eyes reminded me of Sirius (ugh, why is he still on my mind?) and apparently Roland thought the same because he brought him up.

"Sirius doesn't let you be your best self." Roland quietly said and the dark furred dog gave a deep throated growl.

"What?" I froze, but avoided Roland's eyes, a little fearful to hear what I knew in my heart of hearts to be true.

"These last three or four weeks you haven't been yourself – you've been quiet. The banter has gone. The jokes have gone. May, look at me." He demanded.

I raised my eyes from the dog's to his.

"He's not good for you."

I didn't know what to say. I buried my face in the long fur of the dog's neck, willing the tears that had sprang up to disappear. The dog whimpered in sympathy and Roland reached out to stroke my hair.

When I'd regained composure, I smiled at Roland. "I'm going to head back to the common room. I have some homework I've been putting off all weekend." But in truth, I couldn't stand to have this conversation anymore.

Roland frowned at the dog for a second before saying, "I'll walk you back."

We walked in silence back towards the castle and I looked over my shoulder at the strange dog with the curious eyes. The dog sat and watched me go.

I parted with Roland in the Entrance Hall as I made my way across the castle to Gryffindor Tower. Most students were outdoors today and their chatter and laughter ebbed and flowed as I passed the open windows.

I have a lot to think about. I thought I was just having fun with Sirius, I knew when I got into this that a solid relationship would never blossom with a guy like him. I knew that logically, anyway. I think if I'm being honest with myself, that I kind of hoped for more. And now I've realised that I've gotten too deep, too quickly. So now what? I can't keep letting Sirius drag my feelings through the mud – even if he's totally oblivious to the fact that I have feelings for him.

Speak of the devil.

Sirius was standing at the top of the stairs leading to the fifth floor and panting slightly, as though having just run a great distance.

I stopped two steps down from him and remained silent. His lips were pressed firmly together, as though to keep certain words from spilling forth.

When he said nothing, I continued up the stairs, my skin prickling as I passed by him on the narrow stairwell. I continued my way down the dark and gloomy corridor of the fifth floor.

"He won't make you happy." Sirius called after me.

"And you will?" I threw over my shoulder without stopping.

I heard him jog after me, falling into step a few paces behind. "…No, but I'm going to try. After Quidditch next weekend, don't make any plans."

"Why?" _Why can't you let me go?_

"Secret."

"Then, no. Sorry."

"I'm going to take you somewhere."

 _So I can be strung along some more?_ "No."

Sirius stepped in front of me and I rearranged my expression to something approaching neutral, hoping against hope that he didn't notice the pink tinge along my cheekbones that gave away my earlier tears.

"Do you want to come with me?" He asked, locking his eyes with mine.

"I'm not going with you."

"That's not what I asked."

I took a deep breath. "This isn't a game. I'm not your plaything."

"I'm not playing a game." Sirius looked a little affronted at the suggestion.

"And what of Zoe?" I tried to keep my voice neutral.

"What of her? You think I haven't told her to back off?"

"No – and why would you?"

Sirius groaned in frustration at the direction our conversation was going. "At the very least," he said, "we have a few things we need to talk about."

"Yeah. We do." I agreed with him on that point.

"So, Saturday? After your match?"

I sighed. "Yeah. Okay."

* * *

It seems I have a choice to make. Sirius seemed unaware of the turmoil inside my head as I danced between my options. Have we hit the end of our road, he and I? Could this empty relationship be keeping me from something better? Or do I just play along until I leave for America in a few months? Enjoy my time with Sirius while I'm here? And do I really believe that Sirius had asked Zoe to back off?

I just don't know.

On the morning of the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff I lay in bed and listened to the noises of the castle. My watch indicated that it was not yet 6am but already there was a wild energy in the weather. The glass windows creaked and moaned as wind and snow battered the walls of the tower with a ferocity that I'd not seen in a while.

Surely the weather will die down by the time our 10am match rolls around. Surely, we won't be flying in a blizzard. Surely?

I took advantage of being awake early to take a long bath. I lost track of time and sat in the tub until the water was tepid and my fingers wrinkled.

When I returned to our room, I found Alice and Lily attempting to spur Charlotte out of bed and come watch our Quidditch match against Hufflepuff. If Charlotte's head under pillow and vice grip on the blankets were anything to go by, I'd say she really wanted to stay in bed.

"Hey, leave her," I told the other girls, "she's had a rough week."

Lily's vivid green eyes met mine. "It'll be good for her to get out, May. She's been in a funk all week."

"Come sit with me," Alice chirped, "we'll eat chocolate and scream until we're horse."

A high whistle whipped at the windows giving me a little shudder. "Do you think anyone would notice if I crawled into bed too?" I asked, eyeing cloudy view of the grounds outside the tower.

"Yes, I think someone would notice if we were a Beater short today, May." Lily said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at Alice. "I bet James would love an excuse to try and get into the girls' dormitory and pull you out of bed – but not before taking a gander around at my stuff."

I laughed, "fair point."

By the time I reached the Gryffindor changing rooms, I was frozen to the marrow. The others were all getting ready, quietly lacing up shin guards and gloves, preparing themselves for what was sure to be a difficult match in horrid weather.

Sirius was sitting in my corner of the changing room, hunched over the Nimbus, examining it. His slightly wavy and unkempt hair fell into his eyes, and I had the sudden urge to fun my fingers through his hair, from temple to nape of neck.

I felt Zoe's eyes on me as I stood in front of Sirius, cloaking him in my shadow. He looked up and grinned doggishly up at me.

"James was right. You have thrashed it. See?" Sirius pointed out a single splintered twig.

"Oh, no." I deadpanned, "You'll have to buy a new broomstick."

He laughed. "But otherwise it's in good nick. You'll need a reliable broomstick for this match." He said as a great howl of wind thundered through the grandstands. "Good luck, May." He said with a hand on my shoulder and a grin just for me.

"Thanks." I returned the grin.

On the pitch the wind whipped hair from my band and I danced a little to keep warm while I waited with my teammates for the start of match whistle.

And under the roar of the blizzard I almost didn't hear it.

"He only likes you because you haven't fucked him yet."

So yeah. Before we'd even scored a single point, I had smacked a Bludger into the back of Zoe's head. I regretted it as soon as my bat made contact with the hard, shiny surface of the iron ball. It knocked her out and as she toppled forward off her broomstick she was neatly caught around the middle by Ethan as he swooped underneath.

My one saving grace is that in the haze of the snow storm, only two people saw what I had done. Ethan - who caught her, and James.

James was livid. He called a timeout as we all flew down to the ground, just as well, since the weight in my stomach would be too much for my broomstick anyhow.

"What happened?" Asked Logan as Ethan lowered Zoe onto the stretcher so she could be taken back to the castle with Madam Pomfrey.

Ethan looked to James and James glared at me, daring me to come clean. "Right. May, you're sitting this match out - accompany Zoe up to the hospital wing. Ethan, go grab your mate Mathew, he can step in for May. Logan, can you find Polly - see if she'll replace Zoe?" James gave the orders calmly but the tension in his shoulders told me he was anything but.

I didn't protest. What could I say? Avoiding the puzzled eyes of my teammates I walked off the pitch, not bothering to change and still holding the Nimbus. That was so bloody stupid! What has gotten into me? I wouldn't be surprised if I was kicked off the team for it.

Maybe it would be for the best, I obviously have no self control.

The Hospital Wing was empty save one bed in which Madam Pomfrey was tending. The matronly healer looked up as I stood at the end of the bed, feeling like the worst person on Earth.

"Good. Keep her company, she has a mild concussion but is otherwise fine." Madam Pomfrey's departing footsteps echoed around the wing.

"Hello." I attempted a weak smile.

"What happened? Pomfrey said I was knocked out by a Bludger?" Zoe asked a little thickly.

"Uh, yeah. That's right. I am so, so sorry, Zoe." I said and flopped down into the bedside chair.

"Oh, it's okay. You can't be expected to get them all."

"Uhhh…" She doesn't know it was me. She must think it was a stray Bludger. Do I tell her I did it deliberately before someone else does?

Zoe was staring across the room with a rather vacant expression but when she spoke it was with careful precision.

"I apologise for what I said before the match. It wasn't very nice." She said as she ran a stray blanket thread through her fingers.

"No. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it." I responded while feeling wretched. I should be apologising to her, not the other way around. Deep breath, May, you can do this. "I have to tell you that it was my fault you were hit with the Bludger. I did it. I'm really sorry."

"Hmm?" Zoe murmured looking glassy eyed. "I know, hot chocolate."

"Uh… What?"

"Tiddy!" She called out and a few seconds later a house-elf appeared at the foot of the bed with a crack.

"Yes, Miss Spinnet?" Squeaked the doe eyed and shrunken house elf.

"Can you get us two hot chocolates, pretty please?" Zoe asked, looking unusually excited.

"Of course," the elf bowed and disappeared once again.

I turned to Zoe. "How do you know the house-elf?"

"Hmm?"

"The elf?" I repeated, trying to be patient.

"He doesn't like me anyway."

"Who?" That elf was female, I'm sure of it.

"I eventually got sick of not knowing. So I asked him directly, ' _you DO like me, don't you?_ ' And he said, ' _I thought it was the other way around._ ' How do you do it?"

"Uh, do what?" I asked, feeling uneasy.

"Hang around him when you don't know where you stand. When you don't know if he even likes you."

I told her I didn't know what she was talking about. But I did.

On a clear day you can easily hear the match commentary from the Hospital Wing, but today, with wind and snow batting the window panes, we were in our own silent bubble. I had no clue as to whether my actions had lost us the match and therefore the cup. Our two reserve teammates Mathew and Polly were adequate players, not bad but not great either.

From the window I could see the students begin make their way across the grounds towards the castle but was unable to see from here who had won the game. I continued to sit by Zoe's side and sip my hot chocolate until a friend of hers turned up at the hospital wing – a small girl with strawberry blonde hair and a sweet disposition. I could see Madam Pomfrey exit her office to strictly enforce her _one visitor at a time_ rule so I left. I will have to apologise to Zoe properly later, when she's lucid enough to understand what I'm saying.

Standing in the hallway outside the Hospital Wing, I hesitated. Now what? I'm supposed to be meeting Sirius soon for this _talk_ that I'm not sure I want to have. But I also know that James will want to see me straight after the match too. And what if he tells Sirius that I had deliberately injured Zoe – will he guess why? Will he think me jealous and spiteful?

I slowly meandered up to Gryffindor tower and scrunched my body into the window seat just as a bunch of Gryffindors burst into the common room.

"We WON!" They cried in unison.

"What? Really!" I ran over and group hugged them. So I hadn't screwed up our chances at the cup, oh thank Merlin's soggy socks.

"Yeah!" The energetic third years were jumping around. "Alex blocked almost every Quaffle that came within an inch of the goal hoops and Logan caught the Snitch from right under Sophie's nose. Best game in years." The boy stared dreamily into space before coming to with a start. "Wait, what happened to you and Zoe?"

But before I had a chance to answer, a deep voice interrupted at my shoulder. "Yes. What did happen to you and Zoe?" I turned to find James standing a short distance away with his arms crossed – probably to prevent himself from throttling me.

"Ah, okay – I have some explaining to do, don't I?"

"Yes. Come with me. It's too rowdy here."

James led us to the portrait hole where we bumped into Sirius, Remus and Peter. The three boys took in James' expression of pure rage and looked to me for an answer. I shook my head at them.

I could feel Sirius' eyes on me as I followed James to my execution.

James opened the door to an empty classroom before slamming the door shut behind me and whirling around. I tried not to flinch.

"May, What the hell was that?!" He exclaimed, his cheeks tinged pink from the cold, or perhaps in anger.

"I'm sorry." I sat cross-legged on one of the desks and pulled off my beaters gloves. I hadn't even noticed that I'd been in uniform all this time.

"But why? I know you can be a bit of a wild card sometimes, but what's Zoe done to you?" He demanded, the tails of his words getting lost in his hurry to get the words out.

"She told me Sirius only likes me because he hasn't fucked me yet." I told him with a calmness I didn't feel.

Whatever response James was expecting – that wasn't it. The stunned look on his face would have been comical in another situation but I just felt so sorry for him. He loved being a Quidditch Captain, building a team, inspiring us, leading us. It was his passion. So to watch the devastation on his face as I trampled all over that dream was soul destroying.

"Uh, what?" He asked, his glasses had slipped down his nose a smidge.

"Don't make me say it again. It was unpleasant enough the first time." I hunched forward to avoid meeting his eyes.

"Right. Right…" He didn't know what to say, I could see that. "Let me talk to Sirius."

"Please don't!" The last thing I wanted was for Sirius to know how low I'd sunk. "I've apologised to Zoe, she's apologised to me. It won't happen again, I promise."

"Fine." He rubbed his face briskly. "Do not bring your personal life onto the pitch again, you hear? Because one more stunt like that and you're off the team."

I nodded contritely.

"And that's really not something I want to do, May. Because you are an excellent Beater. Ethan's mate Mathew really just made up the numbers. It would be a sad day for the Gryffindor team if I ever have to throw you off."

"Thanks," I smiled weakly at him feeling doubly embarrassed.

"Okay. Get going then. Sirius is waiting for you." James told me with a sly grin.

Back in the Common Room I found Sirius playing chess with Remus on the floor in front of the fireplace. It seemed that all the students had crowded themselves into that section of the room to be as close to the heat as possible. I clambered over people stepping on fingers and tripping over shoes until I'd squished myself into spot by the boys.

"So, where are we going?" I demanded without bothering with a hello.

"Nowhere at the moment." Sirius replied without taking his eyes off the board. "Not with a storm raging outside. When it settles, we'll go."

"So dress warm?" I said, an echo of Dumbledore's words on an earlier day.

Sirius met my eyes with a grin. "It'll be worth the wait. Oh, what the fu-! Piglet, go find something else to do for a while, you're distracting me." Sirius exclaimed as Remus took his Queen and topped it off with a smug _check_.

I hopped back over the piles of students and skipped up to the girls' dormitory to change out of my Quidditch robes. I opened the door to find the room dark and the window curtains still drawn. The room smelt rather stale.

The curtains around Charlotte's bed were still drawn. She hadn't moved all morning.

"Charlotte." I sang. "Time to wake up."

She groaned in response.

"Not well?" I asked. "I can go and get you something to help you feel better."

"I'm fine. Just feeling a bit low, that's all." Charlotte attempted to sit up. Her hair was matted and her face puffy.

"Is… Is this about Remus?" I asked as she screwed her face up to prevent more tears. "Oh, Charlotte. I'm so sorry." I hopped into bed with her and let her curl up and cry on me.

"Since the breakup, He's acted like none of it ever happened. He still talks to me like a friend. Like he's not bothered at all that we broke up. He could at least be a little awkward around me, at least then I'd feel like something worthwhile had happened between us."

"Remus, I think, has a habit of keeping things to himself. Even if he was torn up over the split, he would never show it. It's just the kind of guy he is."

"I guess," she muttered.

"I know what'll cheer you up." I said and I jumped up onto my own bed and made a poor attempt at a handstand, only to topple backwards off the side of the bed. "Hang on, I can do this!" I exclaimed and gave it another shot, holding the shaky handstand for a little bit longer this time.

Charlotte gave a weak smile at my antics.

"You can't stay like this, Charlotte." I told her from my position on the floor. "Let's go see Madam Pomfrey. She'll fix you up."

I pushed her into the shower, brushed her hair, helped her look more like her usual self (and less like a homeless lady loose in the castle).

I dropped Charlotte off at the Hospital Wing and waited patiently at the entrance while the matronly nurse spent a few minutes chatting to her. Zoe gave me a small wave from her bed and I returned it feeling rather uneasy. As soon as she's back to normal, it'll be girl talk time.

Madam Pomfrey finished up with Charlotte and administered her a large spoonful of a cheery sunshine yellow potion. When I joined her bedside, Charlotte had a big stupid grin on her face.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked, dubiously eyeing the potion that the nurse was now storing away in her locked medicine cupboard.

"Nothing at all. Or everything? I'm not quite sure." Charlotte chirped.

I took the opportunity to fill Charlotte in on everything that had happened with Zoe. She found my response of knocking the girl out hysterically funny and I kept shushing her lest Zoe a few beds down overhears, but once Charlotte started laughing she couldn't stop. Eventually Madam Pomfrey kicked me from the ward for _disturbing the much needed rest of her patients_. That woman needs a cat.

* * *

Snow caked each of the window frames I passed on my return to Gryffindor Tower. It was late afternoon and it had only just stopped snowing, the sky still a touch moody. I was tired and today felt like it had stretched for ten centuries. Whatever Sirius had to say could surely be said in a quiet corner of the castle.

 _Sirius doesn't let you be your best self_

I'd almost forgotten Roland's remark, lost in everything that had happened this last week. Was he right? Am I less myself these days? And was that Sirius' fault?

Or did the blame for my own change lie with me? Was I so caught up in the drama surrounding Zoe and Sirius that I-

"You're going the wrong way." A familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.

I turned to find Sirius standing at the base of the dormitory staircase, grinning. At first glance he appeared as he always does, confident and relaxed, but a closer inspection revealed a little more. An uncertainness about his eyes as he awaited my response, and a nervous twitch in his hands before they were quickly shoved into pockets.

"Ah," I said, stalling for time. "I'd need to grab my coat and scarf…"

"That's okay, I can wait," he was quick to reply.

"Can we… talk here? Instead of leaving the castle?"

Disappointment flashed across Sirius' features. "Ah… well-"

"No, it's okay, wherever you like is-" I amended.

"It's just that-" Sirius began as he rubbed the nape of his neck.

We were both talking over each other, our words popping like delicate bubbles in space between us.

"It's fine. I'll be back in a second, I just want to wrap up warm." This was new territory for us, this nervousness.

As I fished for my coat from my trunk I thought about what I was going to say. This morning in the bath I had finally made up my mind. It was time to call it quits. To end this thing that Sirius and I had been doing these last couple of months.

When I returned to the common room I found Sirius having quiet conversation with James, standing a little rigid. At first I thought that James had told Sirius what I'd done to Zoe, but when Sirius looked over at me he smiled warmly, so I guessed he hadn't.

"Come on, then." Sirius waved me over as he crossed to the portrait hole. He's looking pretty dapper tonight with old faded jeans tucked into dragon-skin boots, a black jacket, his jaw-length hair tucked behind his ears.

I don't know if I can do this. My stomach's turning. Why does he have to look so good today?

"What's the parchment for?" I asked pointing to the paper he was consulting as he led us through the castle – to where? I hadn't the faintest.

"A map of the school." Sirius replied, tucking it in his pocket before I could get a good look. He tapped his wand on a statue of an ugly humpbacked witch. "After you." He said, indicating that I should enter the tunnel first.

"Nah ah. You first." I said which was met with an exaggerated eye roll.

The passageway was dark and dank. I could hear a water dribbling down the side of the wall from a leaky pipe. Sirius stood over my shoulder and held aloft his lit wand tip, casting light upon the uneven stone floor.

"Careful where you step." He said simply and took my hand, leading me deeper into the inky abyss.

We trudged the passageway out of the castle in silence, his warm hand in mine the only indication that he was here at all.

For the longest time, I wanted this. A weight to our interactions, a meaning in our glances, and now that I have it, I'm considering ending this _relationship_. And I mean that word in the lightest of ways. For the duration of the tunnel I flipped back and forth between my options before deciding that I don't still have a clue what I want. So I'll listen to what he says and then I'll decide.

Some twenty minutes later we reached the end of the tunnel and Sirius withdrew from his coat a sheet of fabric so fluid it was like water.

"Wow – is that what I think it is?" I asked him, taking the invisibility cloak from his hands and running my fingers over its cool and silky texture. I threw it over myself without bothering to ask permission and looked at Sirius. He was looking down at his wand as he twirled it around his fingers.

I stood close, on tiptoes, letting my eyes roam his face without fear of embarrassment. I took careful note of his long eyelashes, the way his lips naturally curled into a smirk even when resting, the high cheekbones that made him look like he was perpetually amused.

In a quick and fluid movement Sirius snatched the invisibility cloak from me and I felt like a doe in headlights, exposed and vulnerable. I quickly laughed to cover any expression he might have caught sight of.

"I could feel your breath on my face." Sirius said smugly, victoriously, no longer nervously.

He threw the cloak over the both of us this time, telling me to stand close to prevent our shoes from peaking under the fabric. With myself in front and Sirius right behind, we exited the sweetshop. His hand was on my shoulder to guide me and my heart beating as wildly as the weather this morning. The invisibility cloak was just long enough that the fabric skirted the ground, so progress was slow.

We walked that way for some time across the length of Hogsmeade, slowly and stilted, my heart beating erratically. I tried for some minutes to calm it by breathing deeply, before I realised that it was Sirius' heartbeat that I felt through my back, mingling with my own.

When we rounded a bend in the road, Sirius lifted the invisibility cloak from our shoulders and stepped away. An icy breath of wind licked my back where he once stood.

"Not much further." Sirius threw back to me as he climbed the steep hill that led to the Shrieking Shack. The sun had begun its short decent back to earth, glazing the snow around us in fiery orange. At the top of the hill, leaning against the rotting wood of the Shrieking Shack, was a gleaming black motorbike. The same that I'd seen in a photograph many months ago.

"We're going for a ride?" I asked. For all my practical jokes around the school, I had never ventured beyond school boundaries - getting caught would be grounds for expulsion.

"Yeah. You game?" Sirius asked, eyes searching mine.

"Okay," I said and shrugged as though I rode motorbikes with attractive men all the time.

I clambered on behind Sirius and hesitated while I figured out where to place my hands. I settled for resting them on my knees.

"I'll be driving fast, you might want to hold on."

"Oh, I'm fine." I said, but then tentatively wrapped my arms around his midsection.

We took off. The roar of the motorbike cut through the sleep air of the village, the cold wind bit my face, extracting feeling. I tucked my cold cheek into his warm back.

When we stopped some thirty minutes later, Sirius had pulled up to a river bank in a park. There were a neat row of little shops on the bank opposite the river, the warm glow of the muggle lights fighting against the deepening darkness. My watch told me it was not quite five in the afternoon.

An elderly muggle couple, bundled up and arm and arm, walked past us and smiled, we returned it, lingering as we watching them depart, each of us lost in thought.

"Where are we?"

"Inverness."

"Oh. Why?"

"Sometimes, the castle is too small." He told me, somewhat enigmatically.

Silence.

"You wanted to talk…?" I asked as he crossed to the frosty guard rails at the river edge, leaning against them. I stood behind him, watching his back, waiting for him to speak.

"Do you love me?"

"…What?" I asked, unsure I had heard right.

Sirius turned to me, face inscrutable, awaiting an answer to his loaded question.

I laughed a little, readjusted my scarf, brushed a stray hair from my shoulder, before I said, "why would I? We're not even dating."

Sirius turned away from me and back to the River Ness, without saying anything further.

 _Do you love me?_

What did he want me to say back?

 _Do you love me?_

Do I?

 _Do you love me?_

I looked down at him as he leaned forward on the guardrails, chin resting nonchalantly in his hand, glazed eyes staring into the distance. I felt awkward. What do I do with myself? What do I say?

 _Do you love me?_

"I…" Sirius looked up at me through his hair and I closed my mouth again, the words gone as soon as his eyes met mine.

"You know, I always saw you as my girlfriend."

My body felt jittery, I tried to ignore the sudden urge I had to run. "So, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think I had to. There was no question in my eyes that you were anything but." Sirius told me with an askew smile.

"Pup…" I had begun to speak without knowing how to articulate what needed to be said.

But Sirius had a funny way of knowing anyway, "I asked Zoe to back off," he said. "She kept prying. Asking too many questions about things that had nothing to do with her. She was very curious about what you were to me." Sirius gazed out at the city across the river. "But at the same time, I liked having her around. You had your male friend on hand, I had my female friend. I'll admit it was childish."

"Wait a second," I said, my brain lagging behind under the weight of what I was hearing. "You kept Zoe around because you were jealous of Roland?" Sirius, who was always so collected and composed, so sure of himself and of his place in the world, couldn't be jealous, could he?

Sirius chose not to answer my question and instead murmured, "so, imagine my dismay when it drove you further into his arms."

I lifted his hand from the guard rail and linked my fingers through his, feeling unbearably sad. Sad because I didn't know how to how long to hold onto him, or whether I should hold onto him at all. Because as much as we both wanted it, we would not be able to stay together. Sirius had yet to learn of my plans to leave for America in a few short months. The kind thing to do would have been to tell him, then and there, of the deadline on our relationship.

But I couldn't.

"Want to play a game?" Sirius straightened up before me, lopsided grin back in its rightful place.

"What kind of game?"

"Just say yes."

"When it comes to you," I told him, "that would be a very bad idea."

Sirius laughed, "take a good look around us."

"Okay," I looked from the trees in the park behind us, to the houses and shops on the other side of the bank. "What am I looking for?"

"Now close your eyes."

"Okay," I said again, feeling vulnerable.

"Without opening them, tell me where you saw the red door." His voice was a little closer this time.

"Uhhh, over there, I think?" I pointed blindly to shops on the other side of the bank.

"Where exactly?"

"Like, down to the left."

"Nope." He took me by the shoulders and spun me around to face the park, taking my hand and pointing it to where a groundskeeper shed sat nestled in the shrubs. It indeed had a red door.

"Ughhh. I didn't look properly. Play again?" I asked and he nodded with a small smile.

I spend a good half a minute taking note of our surroundings, everything from the location of the bakery with the baby blue awning to the streetlight with the dead bulb. Sirius watched me with light amusement.

"I'm ready." I told him.

"Close your eyes." He spoke softly.

After a moment he hadn't said anything so I asked, "uh, what-?"

"Don't speak."

His lips when they pressed gently against mine were cold but his breath was warm, a conflict of cigarettes and toothpaste. I didn't know that he smoked, but I guess I didn't know many things about him.

His fingertips traced my earlobe before loosening my scarf, his mouth skirted along my jaw and trailed down my neck. I felt disembodied, my nerves heightened where he touched me, like I only existed at the point where my skin touched his.

I ran my hands through his hair, watched my breath collect in the cold night under a blanket of stars and enjoyed this rare moment of privacy not found when living in a castle of hundreds of others.

And then I asked him.

"Do you love me?"

 **A/N: Thanks guys for all your support, I hope you're enjoying the story so far! I'm sorry to say that chapters from here on in won't come every weekend, but I'm hopeful that Chapter 7 will be up in about 2-3 weeks. See you then!**


End file.
